Is Keeping your Infidelity a Secret Really the Best Decision?

A problem that people who have had affairs always have to face is making the decision whether to keep their infidelity a secret or tell their spouses about it.

No matter how many of their friends or family or anyone else they ask advice from regarding this, the only person who can make the decision is themselves. But what are the things that you need to consider before deciding whether or not they should continue to keep infidelity a secret?

Of course, everyone is aware of the obvious and potential consequences that could happen once an extramarital affair is revealed. But there are some things that could happen that you need to consider if you’re thinking of keeping your infidelity a secret from your spouse.

You may think that it would be easier to keep your infidelity a secret from your spouse, but in relationships where secrets are kept from one another, especially for a long period of time, certain changes occur that would degrade the relationship.

Communication, for example, would become limited to the topics that you are comfortable with because you will do anything to try to avoid getting discovered. And even when you think you are doing a good job of keeping your infidelity a secret, your spouse will know that something is going on.

When this happens, the relationship becomes swallowed in this hole of deception and lies that will not be easy to get out of. And it is more likely that all the lying and mistrust that will develop in your relationship will cause its demise, rather than the extramarital affair itself. So whether or not you reveal or keep your infidelity a secret from your partner, there is still a very big possibility that you will both end up hurting each other.

You have to remember that it’s not always the obvious things that can hurt a relationship. Sometimes – most of the time, actually – a strain in communication is enough to cause major problems, especially if it happens for a long time.

So before deciding not to reveal your infidelity, you have to make sure that you will actually be able to hide it from your spouse for the rest of your life. Otherwise, it would be a much wiser choice to come clean and accept the consequences of your actions rather than to continue keeping your infidelity a secret.

Keeping Secrets: Why They Can Ruin a Marriage

Is it alright for you to be keeping secrets from your partner? In what instances or situations is it okay to do so? And in when is it not? Read on to see why secrets in a marriage can break the trust you’ve worked hard to build, and what you can do to fix it.

Keeping secrets from your partner, no matter how little you think they are, can be very damaging to your relationship. Which means that you have to be very, very careful about this.

Most of the time, your partner will be able to sense that you are keeping secrets, or at least something, from him or her anyway, and although he or she may not ask you directly what it is, there could be hints that will be sent your way asking you to divulge whatever it is that you are hiding. And the more you avoid answering or divulging what it is, the more your partner will suspect you of doing something wrong, and he or she will start losing trust in you.

Usually in extramarital affairs, what hurts your partner most is the fact that you betrayed his or her trust, kept things from him or her and lied constantly to cover things up. These things — the keeping of secrets — more than the fact that you had sex with another person, is what is most damaging for relationships.

But this does not mean that you have to talk about every single detail of your affair with your partner, that you have to describe in full detail what you and the other person did, where, when and how. No, it does not mean that at all. Your partner may ask you to reveal some details of the affair but you don’t have to be very specific about it.

What you need to do, though, is to resolve these things and find a way to forgive yourself because it’s the first thing you need to do before you can really move forward with your relationship.

Relationship Advice: How to Build Trust

There is plenty of relationship advice being put out there regarding building trust in relationships. Most of it is true and helpful, but some of it won’t do you any good.

So what’s one relationship advice you should trust?

A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, they don’t want to be stuck in a rut or a routine where everything happens the same way at the same time. And although this is true enough, they also don’t want to be surprised by a sudden change in your behavior, especially when they don’t expect it from you at all.

Here is one piece of relationship advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to trust you to react or behave in a certain way even when he or she is not around.

Sudden changes in these things, even tiny things like losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently, having new friends who he or she has never met, showing interest in things that you never cared for before – these little things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening.

You may think that being consistent is bad relationship advice because it means being predictable and boring, which is something that everyone does not want to be, especially in a relationship. But consistency doesn’t always have to mean being predictable, and being predictable doesn’t always mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive. Avoid making routines when it comes to your relationship. Keep up the spark, try out new things, go to new places. But remember to do all of that consistently.