I Want to be Close to Someone: A Confusing Type of Affair

October 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

“I want to be close to someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” is the seventh type of affair discussed in the ebook Break Free from the Affair.

In this type of affair, there is generally a lot of confusion. A lot of people who are going through this type of affair say, “I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused. One minute he says he doesn’t want me, and then the next minute he wants to work things out. What do I do?”

All the confusion from this type of affair comes from two things: the pain from discovering the affair, and the confusion he has about what he really wants.

Upon discovering your partner’s affair, you usually react by thinking that you want nothing to do with him, that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and that you want out. But when your partner shows signs that he regrets what he did and he wants to try to work things out with you, you change your mind and think, “Maybe we can make this work.”

This is the hallmark of this type of affair. Because your partner is confused about what he wants, and about who he wants, it usually becomes a dragging kind of situation where both him and the other person are stuck because you don’t know what to do. A part of you pulls you in one direction – to leave him and start over – and another part of you pulls you in another – to stay and try again. And all the confusion comes from not knowing which part of you to follow.

Getting out of being stuck will take a lot of reflection and self-evaluation. You will have to decide on your own, without any regard to what your partner wants, what you want to do and where you want to go. It is the only way you will stop the confusion of this type of affair.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , ,

Extramarital Affair and Mid-life Crisis: How It Happens

October 23, 2012 by 6 Comments

When a person experiences a mid-life crisis, does it always mean the potential for an extramarital affair? And will it always lead to that?

We all know what a mid-life crisis is. Some of us have even experienced it first-hand. For a lot of us, a mid-life crisis affects how we perceive our lives and the way we make decisions. And when it comes to our relationships, we tend to question whether or not we are with the person we’re supposed to be with, which usually leads to us making bad decisions.

For every relationship, there is always a chance that an extramarital affair will happen. No matter how strong a relationship you think you have. And when your partner is going through a mid-life crisis and is questioning every decision he or she has ever made, including your relationship, the chance of infidelity increases.

So how do you prevent your partner from having an extramarital affair even before it takes place?

It will be difficult for you to control what your partner thinks and does regarding his or her life, but what you can control is how you act in your relationship. It is important that you make your partner feel safe and secure about his or her decisions, especially regarding your relationship. Picking fights, generating arguments or getting mad for little things will not help you in this regard, and will make it more likely for your partner to consider an extramarital affair. You need to show your partner that he or she is welcome in the home you built and that you are there to support him or her through whatever is going on in his or her life.

Creating a safe and loving relationship is key. Strengthen your bond and rekindle the passion you had when you first got together. If you are rebuilding your relationship because of a big fight or falling out, remember the things that you love most about each other and remind yourselves of the good times you had. Think of the things you’ve learned, given and done for each other that you would not have experienced with other people, and keep your marriage from being touched by an extramarital affair.

Filed Under: Infidelity Fears, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , ,

Healing After Divorce: Taking Care of Your Whole Self

October 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Healing after divorce is a difficult process, one that needs focus and attention for it to really work. So what exactly are the things that you need to focus on and pay attention to?

People who go through difficult experiences think that to get through a difficult or trying crisis, you need to focus on healing your soul or emotional self, that you need to find a way to get over feeling all the things you are feeling. And when you do, that would be the end of that. But most tend to forget that it isn’t just your emotions that need attention, especially when it comes to healing after divorce. Your physical life and your physical body need it, too.

Your body does not just function as a unit that will represent you in the world. It is what holds all of who you are – your feelings, thoughts, habits, mannerisms, and everything else – together, and it is the one thing that knows who you are truly and completely.

It’s the reason you can feel joy and happiness, the reason you can enjoy a good moment in life and celebrate it. And it is also what makes you feel pain and suffering in situations that aren’t good, and allows you to grieve any kind of loss like if you are healing after divorce, be it physically or emotionally.

One of the most common and simple losses we suffer through these days is a break up with someone we’re in a relationship with or a divorce. Going through crises like these affects us both physically and emotionally, and it is only right that when we are healing after divorce, that we do so in both aspects.

There’s no question about how healing after divorce hurts us on the inside. Everyone knows how painful it can be to end a relationship with someone we spent so much time with and with whom we made future plans with. But then most of us have a tendency to ignore our concrete, physical world when this happens. We forget to eat properly or get some exercise done, we forget to make an effort with how we look or dress, we neglect our work and become unproductive, and sometimes we forget our other relationships – with our friends and family and children.

So if you are one of the many people who are healing after divorce, keep in mind that there are two sides that need to healed: your inner and outer lives. Understand the things you are feelings, where they are coming from and why, and figure out a way that will allow you to get over them. But remember to never neglect your outer world or your outer life when healing after divorce, especially your relationships with other people.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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