Dealing with Divorce: Tools to Help You Heal

October 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are a lot of things being spread out there when it comes to dealing with divorce that tells you about things you can do to get over an ex. But getting out of a relationship with someone, whether through a break-up or through divorce, is never easy and can never be gotten over with a few simple steps.

A break-up or a divorce, or moving on from one, is a process that needs time and a lot of personal work. It does not need a 5-step quick fix. What it needs are a few basic values that you need to develop in yourself to help you get through it.

First of which is honesty. Honesty allows you to be open about what you are feeling and thinking regarding your divorce. Allowing your world – your friends, family, children – to know how you feel and what you are thinking, your doubts and fears and questions about what will happen from here, lets them know that they can be open about their concerns to you. Especially with children, opening up to them lets them know that they can tell you what they are going through as well. knowing, accepting and acknowledging these feelings is the first and easiest step you can take to heal.

Courage is another value that you need to build in yourself while going through divorce. Being brave to take that step away from your old life and towards your new one, to build a life without the person you thought would be there forever, can be one of the scariest things you can do. But your new life would not happen without it, and having the courage to take that first step is all you need.

Having faith in yourself is another of these values. Trust that you will be okay and that everything will be fine and that you will be able to get through all the turmoil of this divorce, and you’ll be able to stop feeling the heartache and pain. Believe in your strength, and believe that it won’t always be like this.

Last and most important of all is self love. Do not be the first person to put you down. Don’t be the first one who loses patience or calls you dumb or is mean about everything that’s going wrong. Be your own cheerleader. Be kind to yourself and be patient about all the things you’re going through in the divorce. The important person you need to impress and live for is yourself, no one else.

Exercise these values and make them a part of you. Going through divorce with these tools will help you get through it in the best possible way.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Recovery From Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Is Keeping your Infidelity a Secret Really the Best Decision?

September 20, 2012 by 1 Comment

A problem that people who have had affairs always have to face is making the decision whether to keep their infidelity a secret or tell their spouses about it.

No matter how many of their friends or family or anyone else they ask advice from regarding this, the only person who can make the decision is themselves. But what are the things that you need to consider before deciding whether or not they should continue to keep infidelity a secret?

Of course, everyone is aware of the obvious and potential consequences that could happen once an extramarital affair is revealed. But there are some things that could happen that you need to consider if you’re thinking of keeping your infidelity a secret from your spouse.

You may think that it would be easier to keep your infidelity a secret from your spouse, but in relationships where secrets are kept from one another, especially for a long period of time, certain changes occur that would degrade the relationship.

Communication, for example, would become limited to the topics that you are comfortable with because you will do anything to try to avoid getting discovered. And even when you think you are doing a good job of keeping your infidelity a secret, your spouse will know that something is going on.

When this happens, the relationship becomes swallowed in this hole of deception and lies that will not be easy to get out of. And it is more likely that all the lying and mistrust that will develop in your relationship will cause its demise, rather than the extramarital affair itself. So whether or not you reveal or keep your infidelity a secret from your partner, there is still a very big possibility that you will both end up hurting each other.

You have to remember that it’s not always the obvious things that can hurt a relationship. Sometimes – most of the time, actually – a strain in communication is enough to cause major problems, especially if it happens for a long time.

So before deciding not to reveal your infidelity, you have to make sure that you will actually be able to hide it from your spouse for the rest of your life. Otherwise, it would be a much wiser choice to come clean and accept the consequences of your actions rather than to continue keeping your infidelity a secret.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Revealing the Affair: Factors That You Must Consider

June 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What are the things you should take into account before telling your partner about your infidelity?

There are plenty of people who have gone through affairs and do not know whether they should let their partners know about it or not. They are faced with making this decision by themselves. But when it comes to revealing an affair to your partner, whether it happened in the past or is still happening, making the decision is never just about whether to tell or not. There are more things that you need to consider before you can move forward, some of which may not even be so obvious.

It is not just your partner’s reaction to your having an affair that you should worry about because there could also be some serious consequences when you do not tell him or her.

Secrets have a way of cutting into relationships and creating suspicion and doubt. In relationships where secrets abound, both parties tend to be cautious especially when it comes to the things they talk about.

Whether you are conscious of it or not, you avoid talking about certain topics because you are afraid that it will lead to you being found out. But you should know that all you are bringing into your relationship is more lies, doubts, questions and suspicion. In most cases, it is this strain in your communication that destroys the relationship rather than the affair itself, regardless of whether or not the affair is revealed in the first place.

Voluntarily telling your partner about the affair doesn’t ensure that it will be less painful – it does not mean that at all. But it does allow you to have control over how you are going to say it and how your partner is going to find out rather than him or her finding out from someone else. This gives you the opportunity to reveal your affair in a way that will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger, and not just as a way for you to end your guilt. You must also be prepared to stay and listen to what your partner has to say about it and how he or she will react, whatever those reactions may turn out to be.

So, more than the decision of merely telling or not telling, consider also the why, when and how. Accept your faults and your consequences in the situation, and work towards creating a more open and honest communication that will strengthen your relationship.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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