Dealing with Divorce: Tools to Help You Heal

October 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are a lot of things being spread out there when it comes to dealing with divorce that tells you about things you can do to get over an ex. But getting out of a relationship with someone, whether through a break-up or through divorce, is never easy and can never be gotten over with a few simple steps.

A break-up or a divorce, or moving on from one, is a process that needs time and a lot of personal work. It does not need a 5-step quick fix. What it needs are a few basic values that you need to develop in yourself to help you get through it.

First of which is honesty. Honesty allows you to be open about what you are feeling and thinking regarding your divorce. Allowing your world – your friends, family, children – to know how you feel and what you are thinking, your doubts and fears and questions about what will happen from here, lets them know that they can be open about their concerns to you. Especially with children, opening up to them lets them know that they can tell you what they are going through as well. knowing, accepting and acknowledging these feelings is the first and easiest step you can take to heal.

Courage is another value that you need to build in yourself while going through divorce. Being brave to take that step away from your old life and towards your new one, to build a life without the person you thought would be there forever, can be one of the scariest things you can do. But your new life would not happen without it, and having the courage to take that first step is all you need.

Having faith in yourself is another of these values. Trust that you will be okay and that everything will be fine and that you will be able to get through all the turmoil of this divorce, and you’ll be able to stop feeling the heartache and pain. Believe in your strength, and believe that it won’t always be like this.

Last and most important of all is self love. Do not be the first person to put you down. Don’t be the first one who loses patience or calls you dumb or is mean about everything that’s going wrong. Be your own cheerleader. Be kind to yourself and be patient about all the things you’re going through in the divorce. The important person you need to impress and live for is yourself, no one else.

Exercise these values and make them a part of you. Going through divorce with these tools will help you get through it in the best possible way.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Recovery From Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Healing After Divorce: Taking Care of Your Whole Self

October 16, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Healing after divorce is a difficult process, one that needs focus and attention for it to really work. So what exactly are the things that you need to focus on and pay attention to?

People who go through difficult experiences think that to get through a difficult or trying crisis, you need to focus on healing your soul or emotional self, that you need to find a way to get over feeling all the things you are feeling. And when you do, that would be the end of that. But most tend to forget that it isn’t just your emotions that need attention, especially when it comes to healing after divorce. Your physical life and your physical body need it, too.

Your body does not just function as a unit that will represent you in the world. It is what holds all of who you are – your feelings, thoughts, habits, mannerisms, and everything else – together, and it is the one thing that knows who you are truly and completely.

It’s the reason you can feel joy and happiness, the reason you can enjoy a good moment in life and celebrate it. And it is also what makes you feel pain and suffering in situations that aren’t good, and allows you to grieve any kind of loss like if you are healing after divorce, be it physically or emotionally.

One of the most common and simple losses we suffer through these days is a break up with someone we’re in a relationship with or a divorce. Going through crises like these affects us both physically and emotionally, and it is only right that when we are healing after divorce, that we do so in both aspects.

There’s no question about how healing after divorce hurts us on the inside. Everyone knows how painful it can be to end a relationship with someone we spent so much time with and with whom we made future plans with. But then most of us have a tendency to ignore our concrete, physical world when this happens. We forget to eat properly or get some exercise done, we forget to make an effort with how we look or dress, we neglect our work and become unproductive, and sometimes we forget our other relationships – with our friends and family and children.

So if you are one of the many people who are healing after divorce, keep in mind that there are two sides that need to healed: your inner and outer lives. Understand the things you are feelings, where they are coming from and why, and figure out a way that will allow you to get over them. But remember to never neglect your outer world or your outer life when healing after divorce, especially your relationships with other people.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Letting Go of Old Resentments to Save the Marriage and Yourself

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are plenty of people who go through their lives without really sorting out their problems and old resentments. They ignore the importance of resolving these problems before moving on with their lives, and downplay how these problems affect them.

This can be very evident in couples who are trying to patch things up in their marriage after infidelity. Couples who decide to “forget about everything and just start over” usually don’t go anywhere. In most cases, what happens is that all the old resentments and problems that they encountered in their past go with them to the new relationship they’re trying to build and it all happens all over again. When nothing is resolved, everything will remain the same even if you decide to let go of your past. This is what Stephen Covey meant when he said that “old resentments never die.”

It doesn’t even necessarily have to happen with the same person who you have problems with. There are those who are either separated or divorced from their spouses who take these old resentments with them in their new relationships with other people. Although the details or specifics are not exactly the same, there could be similarities with the circumstances that could be related specifically to the past.

So how do you stop yourself from hanging onto old resentments?

First of all, you need to identify what it is that makes you remember those problems and all the negative feelings associated with them. Whenever you start getting that bad feeling or are reminded of those old resentments, try to notice what it is that triggered it – who made it happen, when, and what events or circumstances led you to feeling that way? Identifying the problem is the first step to solving it. Look into yourself and try to get as specific as possible with regards to these triggers.

Once you know what those triggers and other details are, compare the differences of the circumstances of the past and the present. What happened in the past that created these problems and issues in you? Why are these old resentments bothering you now? Should they still be bothering you now? What’s different from now and then? Knowing the difference of what was in the past and what is in the present is a vital key in resolving these issues.

One more important thing that you have to deal with is to forgive the person who caused these issues and old resentments in the first place. You won’t ever be able to truly move forward with your life and into a new relationship if you continue to hold a grudge against the person who hurt you. Accept that all the things you went through with that person occurred and are a part of your life, and that you can’t change any of them. Learn from these experiences and forgive the ones that hurt you in any way. Only then will you be able to really let go of your old resentments and open yourself up to a new relationship and a new life.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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