Dealing with Divorce: Tools to Help You Heal

There are a lot of things being spread out there when it comes to dealing with divorce that tells you about things you can do to get over an ex. But getting out of a relationship with someone, whether through a break-up or through divorce, is never easy and can never be gotten over with a few simple steps.

A break-up or a divorce, or moving on from one, is a process that needs time and a lot of personal work. It does not need a 5-step quick fix. What it needs are a few basic values that you need to develop in yourself to help you get through it.

First of which is honesty. Honesty allows you to be open about what you are feeling and thinking regarding your divorce. Allowing your world – your friends, family, children – to know how you feel and what you are thinking, your doubts and fears and questions about what will happen from here, lets them know that they can be open about their concerns to you. Especially with children, opening up to them lets them know that they can tell you what they are going through as well. knowing, accepting and acknowledging these feelings is the first and easiest step you can take to heal.

Courage is another value that you need to build in yourself while going through divorce. Being brave to take that step away from your old life and towards your new one, to build a life without the person you thought would be there forever, can be one of the scariest things you can do. But your new life would not happen without it, and having the courage to take that first step is all you need.

Having faith in yourself is another of these values. Trust that you will be okay and that everything will be fine and that you will be able to get through all the turmoil of this divorce, and you’ll be able to stop feeling the heartache and pain. Believe in your strength, and believe that it won’t always be like this.

Last and most important of all is self love. Do not be the first person to put you down. Don’t be the first one who loses patience or calls you dumb or is mean about everything that’s going wrong. Be your own cheerleader. Be kind to yourself and be patient about all the things you’re going through in the divorce. The important person you need to impress and live for is yourself, no one else.

Exercise these values and make them a part of you. Going through divorce with these tools will help you get through it in the best possible way.

Healing After Infidelity: Is Trust Possible Again?

Discovering that your husband or wife cheated on you, and making the decisions that will make healing after infidelity possible, can be one of the most difficult times you can experience. And the one issue that almost everyone goes through when this happens is figuring out if they are capable of letting this betrayal go and trust their partner again.

They always want to know whether they can go back to the way it was before the cheating happened and be able to trust their husband or wife the same way, or if they will be paranoid and cautious about what everything their partner is doing.

Making that choice of healing after infidelity and staying in a marriage to rebuild the relationship and the trust that was shattered is a difficult one to make. And there are plenty of things that you need to take care of within yourself and within your relationship before you can be able to make this decision.

The first step in healing after infidelity is always to look into yourself and understanding and realizing what it is that you want to happen in your life. Envision your life, and look at where you want it go and who you want to be with then you get there.

What would it mean for you to trust your partner again? What would it require of you? What would it require of your partner? What are the things that you need to happen for you to be able to trust your partner again? What are the things you think you need to make healing after infidelity possible for you? And what changes do you need to see in yourself before you can be able to do that?

Think about these things and once you’ve figured out the answers to these questions, communicate them to your partner. Talk about what you need from each other, and once you’ve done that, decide whether you can provide each other these needs. If you decide that healing after infidelity and staying together to work things out is what you want, then both of you need to make a conscious decision and effort to do everything you can do to restore the trust you lost.

But always be mindful of what is happening in your life at the moment as well. Don’t just focus on healing after infidelity and providing what your husband or wife needs from you. Always pay attention to your present and trust your instincts. Do not put your pain and suffering at the core of everything you are doing. It may not be easy, but this is what you need to do.

Make clear decisions on things that you will and will not tolerate when it comes to your partner. Be aware of what is going on in his or her life, and how it affects you and the marriage you are trying to rebuild. Set limits. And let him or her know what those limits are. Most importantly when it comes to healing after infidelity, stick to those limits.

How Do You Know If Your Spouse is Cheating?

A cheating spouse sees sexual encounters as conquests that he or she needs to pile up, so it’s very common for there to be more than one other person.

Usually, that relationship only lasts for a night up to maybe a few weeks at most. These relationships are not established to form some kind of intimacy or romance. The sole purpose of these relationships is to satisfy his or her sexual urges.

Seeing as how your partner wants the affair to happen, he or she will experience little to no internal turmoil or conflict regarding his or her actions. This is the main difference between the I don’t want to say no type of affair and the other six types, especially that of I can’t say no. Your partner believes that he or she actually deserves to be cheating and play around, to have the affair or affairs that he or she is having, and that it’s not wrong at all to indulge in his or her urges.

You will notice that the people around your partner like friends or people from work will, most often than not, remind you of him or her. This is because your partner will actually find people who will encourage and support him or her in doing the things he or she is doing. They will be in their little bubble, telling each other that cheating and everything else they’re doing is right and they shouldn’t be sorry for it.

There is also the possibility that you will have encounters with the other person or other persons that your partner is cheating with. You don’t really know what kind of promises your partner is giving these other people to keep them from leaving him or her. There are some people who would really believe in those promises, and would not be above hurting you or getting you out of the way to make those promises reality.

When you discover that he or she is cheating, don’t expect to hear any talk of divorce or separation. You will not experience plenty of conflict either. Your partner will not want to do anything that will mean losing you because he or she wants you there to keep the balance in his life. Although he or she wants to play around and be with other people, your partner looks to you to provide the quiet, family life that he or she is comfortable and familiar with.

One thing that could be a problem, though, is getting older. Your partner could have that mind set where he or she deserves to be with someone young and attractive – that he or she needs to be with someone like that – to prove that he or she is in turn young and attractive. And if he or she deems you to be incapable of providing that specific need, then there is a huge possibility that he or she will look for someone else who will.

Lastly, you will notice his or her fear and hatred of failure, and he or she will do everything just to avoid it. The idea of getting everything you want and not having to ask for anything drives your partner, and he or she will not think twice about bending the rules to achieve just that. But when the consequences of his cheating and all his other actions catch up to him or her, you will be expected to be there, supporting him or her, holding his or her hand through everything and helping to build himself up again.