Marriage Communication: Saying No

How do you create a better, more honest marriage communication? Two words: Say no.

There is nothing wrong with saying no to people who are asking us for favors or asking us to do things for them, even and most especially our partners. And sometimes, saying no is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your marriage, especially in situations where infidelity is involved.

Saying no to others sets up boundaries for you regarding the things you are willing to do and the things you aren’t. It allows you to draw a line, and to avoid getting caught up in things that could be destructive to your relationship, or even to you as an individual.

When you say no, it does not always mean that you are being rude or mean or that you don’t want to help this other person. It will not always be met with negativity or bad reactions. In fact, it can help develop our marriage communication. Sometimes, what keeps us from saying no, even when we really want to, is the fear of these negative reactions, or the fear of not being accepted by our partners or by other people.

This fear becomes the reason behind further mistrust in a relationship, and it damages our marriage communication. When we choose to endure doing something we don’t like doing or we choose to suffer because we are afraid of rejection, it creates doubts, questions and issues between you and partner.

How will you be able to fully trust your partner when you are afraid of him or her? When you say no, you let your partner know that you are not afraid of him or her, and develop your marriage communication. This usually develops respect in your partner because he or she is aware of the things you will tolerate from him or her and the things that you won’t.

Real-Life Affair Situations: Changing Depression to Hope

There are plenty of different stories, situations and scenarios that are encountered during one-on-one coaching sessions. In one of them, a client spoke about her infidelity crisis where she says that she feels like her depressions caused her husband to have an affair because he was having a hard time living with it. Her depression was so strong that sometimes she wouldn’t go out of the house for days and days, and she would only focus on what her husband was feeling and how he was treating her. She has been trying to work through her depression and move past it, and trying to figure out what she wants for herself and her marriage but she still hasn’t decided whether or not she wants to stay in the marriage. She still lives with her husband in their home, but she hasn’t really committed to anything yet.

You will see that she’s come a long way from being depressed and having her world revolve around her husband. The affair has opened her eyes to a lot of opportunities. She views this experience as well as all her past experiences as her chance to help other people who are going through what she went through, and she is figuring out a way that she can do that. Her focus has changed from only her husband to a bigger picture, and although she sees that her husband is making changes in his life, it isn’t enough for her. She’s decided that if he isn’t ready or willing to give her what she needs from him, that it will be better for them to be apart, and she is ready to move forward with her life.

You see, even the seemingly worst situations can have good endings. And if you see yourself going through the same in your relationship, here are a few things you can do to help you:

1. If your partner isn’t making the changes you were hoping for, let him know what you want to happen and be specific about he changes you want from him. Which of your personal needs should he focus on?

2. If you find yourself having a hard time committing to a decision regarding your relationship, take some time to reflect on why you think that is happening. Are there any particular reasons why you don’t want to make a decision? Think of what you really want to happen in your life and in your relationship.

THE Question that MUST be Asked

When discovering infidelity in a marriage there is one important and first question that must be asked.

Not asking this question and attempting to answer it honestly often slows the healing and change process.