Jealousy in Marriage: Healing After An Affair

How do you let go of jealousy in marriage after an affair? Is it even possible to let your suspicions when  infidelity is involved?

Jealousy in marriage is very common when you decide to stay in a marriage to restore it when you discover that your partner is having an affair. And even for couples who had no problems regarding jealousy before the affair, it is very likely that it will be after an affair is discovered.

A lot of damage can be done in a relationship where jealousy is involved, especially one that’s still going through the process of healing after an affair. But it is difficult not to be paranoid regarding the people that your partner spends a lot of time with. So what can you do to if you are experiencing jealousy in marriage?

The first things you need to do is to reflect on the various things that you have gone through by allowing jealousy in marriage get the better of you. Surely there are a lot of painful and negative effects, mostly on your marriage, but thinking of these effects is the most effective first step to stop letting jealousy in marriage prevent you from healing your relationship after an affair.

Also, you might start thinking that you’ve earned the right to be jealous when your husband or wife started being involved in an affair, but you must let go of that pain and really look at what jealousy in marriage is doing to you and your partner’s bond.

Every time you start to feel jealous of someone in your partner’s life, try to see how it affects your emotional as well as your physical body. You will see that jealousy in marriage only makes that pain you are feeling after an affair hurt that much more, and make you that much angrier about what your partner did.


  1. antonio correia says:

    hi, im married for 7 years, lately iv discoverd my wife is having an affair, i found out on her secret mobile phone that i didnt know about it was shocking for me and i love her alot and we have 2 daughters . i dont whant to dirvoce my wife it whas very dusturbing wen i red the messages on her phone, im worried what should i do please help

  2. Jealousy, rage, anger, sadness: all the normal stages of grief when we learn of infidelity. Sometimes we don’t need to “do” anything….we just need to hold on to the present moment and wait.

    Healing takes time. We can’t just “get over it” the way everyone keeps telling us; rather, we must go through it, we must experience the emotions, we must believe that it wasn’t our fault (or the fault of the marriage), we must strengthen ourselves regardless of whether the marriage ends or mends.

    Executive Director
    Infidelity Counseling Network

  3. Kathryn Smith says:

    I caught my husband having a one night stand that culminated after a lengthy friendship with the director of his mothers assisted living home. So, the bottom line is every time he went there (out of state) to visit his mother he was also seeing this other woman. At first I was devastated because I’d actually also busted him 4 years prior for lying for years about going to strip clubs every time he left town. So, I have gone through many stages with him declaring his love for me and in the beginning I desperately wanted to save my marriage. Now two years later I find myself numb to him and thinking I’ve fallen out of love with him. I never have regained trust even though he seems to be doing right by me. He deceived me for so long and so many times that I don’t trust my own judgment of him any longer. So, I’m facing age 60 shortly and have put 23 years into this marriage. The sad part is he is 12 years older than me, so he’ll need help in his old age soon. I don’t think I want to be the person to do that for him anymore. Not sure what I want…..
    at the time of the affair I ordered your ebooks, but that was when I felt certain that I wanted to save my marriage. This is a completely different feeling I have now.

  4. How to go to sleep tonight how do I get her off my mind how do I forget her how can I forget the baths we took the showers we had the love we made how can I move on how can I move on from my soulmate I think she found out too late that you love me I think she wanted to hurt me before I hurt her but there’s one problem I never hurt her I never planned to hurt her I plan to love her cherish her this sickness and in health till death do us part

  5. It is really hard especially when kids are involved, I have a year old daughter and pregnant again… he constantly stays later after work makes up excuses that don’t sound believeable. He constantly lies about stupid stuff, spends money he shouldn’t, drinks everyday, and smokes a ton and is not very connected and it hurts because he begs me to stay and cries when we have a serious talk, he says over and over I’m sorry I’ll change please trust me… but how can you when he’s cheated and does all those things and gives no attention to me :( I feel unloved and alone.

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