I Want to be Close to Someone: A Confusing Type of Affair

October 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

“I want to be close to someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” is the seventh type of affair discussed in the ebook Break Free from the Affair.

In this type of affair, there is generally a lot of confusion. A lot of people who are going through this type of affair say, “I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused. One minute he says he doesn’t want me, and then the next minute he wants to work things out. What do I do?”

All the confusion from this type of affair comes from two things: the pain from discovering the affair, and the confusion he has about what he really wants.

Upon discovering your partner’s affair, you usually react by thinking that you want nothing to do with him, that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and that you want out. But when your partner shows signs that he regrets what he did and he wants to try to work things out with you, you change your mind and think, “Maybe we can make this work.”

This is the hallmark of this type of affair. Because your partner is confused about what he wants, and about who he wants, it usually becomes a dragging kind of situation where both him and the other person are stuck because you don’t know what to do. A part of you pulls you in one direction – to leave him and start over – and another part of you pulls you in another – to stay and try again. And all the confusion comes from not knowing which part of you to follow.

Getting out of being stuck will take a lot of reflection and self-evaluation. You will have to decide on your own, without any regard to what your partner wants, what you want to do and where you want to go. It is the only way you will stop the confusion of this type of affair.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , ,

Dealing with Divorce: Tools to Help You Heal

October 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There are a lot of things being spread out there when it comes to dealing with divorce that tells you about things you can do to get over an ex. But getting out of a relationship with someone, whether through a break-up or through divorce, is never easy and can never be gotten over with a few simple steps.

A break-up or a divorce, or moving on from one, is a process that needs time and a lot of personal work. It does not need a 5-step quick fix. What it needs are a few basic values that you need to develop in yourself to help you get through it.

First of which is honesty. Honesty allows you to be open about what you are feeling and thinking regarding your divorce. Allowing your world – your friends, family, children – to know how you feel and what you are thinking, your doubts and fears and questions about what will happen from here, lets them know that they can be open about their concerns to you. Especially with children, opening up to them lets them know that they can tell you what they are going through as well. knowing, accepting and acknowledging these feelings is the first and easiest step you can take to heal.

Courage is another value that you need to build in yourself while going through divorce. Being brave to take that step away from your old life and towards your new one, to build a life without the person you thought would be there forever, can be one of the scariest things you can do. But your new life would not happen without it, and having the courage to take that first step is all you need.

Having faith in yourself is another of these values. Trust that you will be okay and that everything will be fine and that you will be able to get through all the turmoil of this divorce, and you’ll be able to stop feeling the heartache and pain. Believe in your strength, and believe that it won’t always be like this.

Last and most important of all is self love. Do not be the first person to put you down. Don’t be the first one who loses patience or calls you dumb or is mean about everything that’s going wrong. Be your own cheerleader. Be kind to yourself and be patient about all the things you’re going through in the divorce. The important person you need to impress and live for is yourself, no one else.

Exercise these values and make them a part of you. Going through divorce with these tools will help you get through it in the best possible way.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Recovery From Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Healing After Infidelity: Is Trust Possible Again?

October 11, 2012 by 1 Comment

Discovering that your husband or wife cheated on you, and making the decisions that will make healing after infidelity possible, can be one of the most difficult times you can experience. And the one issue that almost everyone goes through when this happens is figuring out if they are capable of letting this betrayal go and trust their partner again.

They always want to know whether they can go back to the way it was before the cheating happened and be able to trust their husband or wife the same way, or if they will be paranoid and cautious about what everything their partner is doing.

Making that choice of healing after infidelity and staying in a marriage to rebuild the relationship and the trust that was shattered is a difficult one to make. And there are plenty of things that you need to take care of within yourself and within your relationship before you can be able to make this decision.

The first step in healing after infidelity is always to look into yourself and understanding and realizing what it is that you want to happen in your life. Envision your life, and look at where you want it go and who you want to be with then you get there.

What would it mean for you to trust your partner again? What would it require of you? What would it require of your partner? What are the things that you need to happen for you to be able to trust your partner again? What are the things you think you need to make healing after infidelity possible for you? And what changes do you need to see in yourself before you can be able to do that?

Think about these things and once you’ve figured out the answers to these questions, communicate them to your partner. Talk about what you need from each other, and once you’ve done that, decide whether you can provide each other these needs. If you decide that healing after infidelity and staying together to work things out is what you want, then both of you need to make a conscious decision and effort to do everything you can do to restore the trust you lost.

But always be mindful of what is happening in your life at the moment as well. Don’t just focus on healing after infidelity and providing what your husband or wife needs from you. Always pay attention to your present and trust your instincts. Do not put your pain and suffering at the core of everything you are doing. It may not be easy, but this is what you need to do.

Make clear decisions on things that you will and will not tolerate when it comes to your partner. Be aware of what is going on in his or her life, and how it affects you and the marriage you are trying to rebuild. Set limits. And let him or her know what those limits are. Most importantly when it comes to healing after infidelity, stick to those limits.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Next Page »