Details of the Affair: Why You Need to Know

July 24, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What specific details of the affair do you need to move on from your partner’s infidelity? Do you really need to know everything? Or would it be better to leave his infidelity behind and move forward?

There are plenty of ways that people deal with infidelity, but one of the most common is by asking to know the details of the affair. Asking you partner to tell you what happened and where, when it happened and how often, or even if your partner enjoyed it and how the other person compared to you.

Wanting to know these things is common for individuals who are going through a situation like this. Here are some of the reasons why you feel the need to know the details of the affair. Go over them and reflect on which one applies to your situation.

1. One of the main reasons why you might want your partner to give you the details of the affair is because you want to know if the affair was your fault or if you caused it. You ask because you want to know if it happened because you didn’t do enough or if you too much, and drove your partner into having an affair. But you should always remember that it is not your fault. Nothing you did or didn’t do justifies your partner’s affair.

2. Another reason is because you want to know what you are up against. You ask your partner to divulge details of the affair and other person because you want to know how you measure up. It can also give you an indication on how much this other relationship means to your partner – is he too deeply involved already or will he be able to let it go easily? Or it can go the other way around, and give you an indication of whether or not you can be able to forgive your partner’s actions once you learn of them.

3. For some couples, knowing about the details of the other relationship, especially details of the sexual encounters, boosts their own sex life. It creates kind of an opening for the couple to explore their hidden sexual desires and fantasies with the objective of proving to your partner that you are just as good or are better than the other person.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Confronting the Other Person, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Emotional Affairs: A Harmless Type of Affair?

June 7, 2012 by 1 Comment

What would you rather your partner’s affair would be? Would you rather that it was only about the sex? Or would you prefer that your partner had feelings for the other person?

“Are you in love with him or her?” That is usually the first question you ask your partner when you discover that he or she had an affair. Most people would dismiss sexless or emotional affairs like they’re nothing compared to physical affairs, but what would you rather hear your partner say – that it was only about sex or that he or she has developed feelings for another person?

When there’s no sex or physical intimacy involved in affairs, it’s somehow looked at as an unimportant and harmless event or mistake.

Sharing secrets, goals, problems, thoughts and feelings with someone who is not your spouse can only lead to trouble, and will most often lead to deeper feelings for the other person and probably even lead to physical intimacy eventually. You may not even notice that your friendship with this other person is getting deeper and deeper, and then all of a sudden you become attached to him or  her and forget all about your partner.

Most clients who have suffered going through emotional affairs are those who had the hardest time dealing with their partners’ betrayal. So, if you see yourself going through something like this or if you find that you are hiding a particular relationship with a person or anything else that you wouldn’t want your husband or wife to know about, it’s time for you to stop. Make an effort to stay away from this person, at least until you are certain that there is nothing going on other than friendship. Save your marriage.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Personal stuff, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Infidelity in Marriages: Getting Out of Being Stuck in the Middle

June 5, 2012 by Leave a Comment

The 7th type of affair from the e-book Break Free from the Affair focuses a lot on the confusion that your partner brings into the situation.

“I want to be close to Someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” usually is marked by the confusion that results from your partner’s lack of certainty about what he wants to do, or which relationship he wants to pursue. This usually leaves both you and the other person stuck until your partner makes a decision, which is probably not going to happen any time soon, if it ever happens at all.

Your partner is confused because he doesn’t want to have the stability and comfort he gets from your marriage, but on the other hand, he wants to explore the other relationship as well because it gives him a kind of freedom that he doesn’t get from you. or maybe he doesn’t want to let go of the marriage because he sees it as a real and significant part of his life, but sees the other relationship to have the potential to be that as well.

Just like you and other person, your partner is stuck and doesn’t know which direction to take, so he ends up not moving at all. So rather than make an effort to think of He chooses to not choose between you and the other person because it is easier for him to do so.

It is important that you avoid getting stuck with your partner, or in case you already are, to get out of being stuck. The best way to do this is by identifying the things you want for you, apart from your partner and what he wants, and try to pick it apart and be specific about why you want these things. By doing so, you will learn a lot more about yourself and where you see yourself going in the future.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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