Those who have endured, survived infidelity and embarked upon the healing journey have much to share.

Here is a response from one of our readers:

1. What kind of affair faced you?

My husband had a three year affair with a woman fifteen years our junior, he said it wasn’t anything to do with sex it was an emotional affair, which I really think is the worse kind of affair as they are emotionally involved with someone else.

2. What are 2-3 resources that helped you survive and cope with the infidelity?

Prayer, your e.book ‘Break Free From an Affair’ and my family.

3. Describe 2-3 break-through moments or events that helped you see the affair from a different perspective, provided healing or helped make a decision?

My husband would not sign the divorce papers. he asked me to forgive him and give him another chance. After reading your e.book I changed my tactics and realized that I was torturing myself by blaming myself and realized that I am responsible for my own happiness.

4. What have you learned about yourself as a result of the infidelity?

I am a very strong person now, I am not jealous at all, I am very happy with the way things are at the moment and all the advice I received has helped me to be calm in any situation, I think my husband realized that there was a life after him.

Yes, You can survive infidelity. And, you can use your infidelity crisis as a springboard for change and growth - becoming who you truly are.

Here are comments from someone on the journey:

1. What kind of affair faced you?

I HAVE CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND AND HE HAS CHEATED ON ME SO I GUESS IT IS GETTING BACK AT EACH OTHER.

2. What are 2-3 resources that helped you survive and cope with the infidelity?

1. READING YOUR BOOKS AND OTHER RELATED BOOKS ON RESTORATION OF MARRIAGES.
2. HAVING STRONG SPIRITUAL PEOPLE AROUND ME TO HELP ME AND GUIDE ME.
3. BECOMING AWARE THAT I NEEDED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF FIRST AND BECOMING THE BEST ME I CAN BE. PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.

3. Describe 2-3 break-through moments or events that helped you see the affair from a different perspective, provided healing or helped make a decision?

1. READING YOUR BOOKS HAS HELPED ME BEGIN TO LOOK AS TO WHAT I WANTED OUT OF LIFE AND WHAT KIND OF LIFE I WANTED IN MY FUTURE. I BECAME AWARE AFTER I FILED FOR DIVORCE THAT I DID NOT WANT A DIVORCE BUT I NEEDED TO SEEK TO RENEW A BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND OF 18 YEARS. WE WERE BOTH HURTING EACH OTHER AND DOING THE BLAME GAME. I REALIZED THAT ONE OF US HAD TO EXTEND A HAND I I CHOOSE TO DO SUCH. IT IS NOT QUITE THERE BUT I HAVE A VISION OF US BECOMING CLOSER IN TIME. I KNOW THAT IT WILL NOT BE A QUICK DEAL BUT I AM WILLING TO DO THE HARD WORK TO MAKE IT WORK FOR US.

4. What have you learned about yourself as a result of the infidelity?

THAT I NEEDED TO TRUST MY HUSBAND MORE AND NOT DECIDE AND CHOOSE WHAT INFORMATION IS IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO KNOW. I HID WHAT WAS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME INSTEAD OF LETTING HIM KNOW THE TRUTH. I ALSO SEE THE NEED FOR OPEN COMMUNICATION AND BECOMING TRANSPARENT. THAT I SHOULD NOT JUMP TO ASSUMPTIONS BECAUSE THERE ARE ALWAYS THREE SIDES TO SOMETHING. MY SIDE HIS SIDE AND THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH WILL ONLY COME OUT WITH OPEN COMMUNICATION

5. What have you to offer others who experience infidelity?

THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE. THAT WE ALL HAVE A HUMAN SIDE TO US. WE CANNOT KEEP BLAMING OURSELVES OR OTHERS BUT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR PART AND CHEATING IS NEVER THE WAY TO DEAL WITH ISSUES.WE ALL HAVE CHOICES BUT SOMETIMES WE MAKE BAD CHOICES BUT IT DOES NOT MAKE US A BAD PERSON JUST BAD CHOICES AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIFE. WE NEED TO LEARN TO KNOW WHAT WE WANT BECAUSE IF WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE WANT WE WILL ACCEPT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVE US.

I periodically check with my readers to find out what resources are being used to help survive infidelity.

I share some of the comments, with hope that others might try on those resources and perhaps find help.

I have a couple responses today.

The second response is a story - a story I hear frequently from those struggling with the #2 Affair, “I Can’t Say No.” Abuse, neglect and erratic behavior often characterizes this kind of affair. And, this kind of affair is often coupled with alcoholism or other addictions. I’ve included all of her story. I know some of you can relate.

Last week I had contact with a site that offers support for additions. You might want to learn more if you face an “I Can’t Say No” affair.

>>>>>I find especially helpful reading Dr Huizenga;s emails. I go to the library and read anything and everything I can. I bought the inner core strength cd. I listen to this all the time. I love her voice and I find it easier to trust her voice then Managing stress and anxiety cd. Her nurture is what I need right now. I seem to hover in that safe place she creates for me.

>>>>>This is the main resource I have for getting helpful information along with alanon. I have a story that is still making my head spin. I believe I am the “I want to get back at him/her affair.” He walked out on me and my 2 children about 5 months ago when I started pressuring him about getting help for his alcohol problem and gave him an ultimatum to get help or leave. I never thought he would leave his family. We have been married for 25 years and been together for 30. I thought we meant everything to him. He acted like we did. We were childhood sweet hearts and he acted like he lived for his family even with his alcohol problem he seemed to keep us first. My kids have been just as shocked as me; he came and cleaned out all his clothes while we weren’t there. He met another woman a month later and carried on with her for a couple of months as far as I know it’s over, maybe, maybe not. The kids say she drinks as much as he does. He has avoided talking to me telling me anything about his life but he sure try’s to keep an eye on our life. He is very aloof. He lost his job of 11 years about 6 weeks ago and now we have no insurance nor do I have any child support. I found out that he borrowed against half the 401K the first month he was gone and after he got fired he took out the rest and tried to keep it all from me and the kids. He said he was going to give me part of it but then I found out he got a DWI and I guess he figured he needed it all for himself so he kept lying to me and said he hadn’t received it, but I knew better all he does is lie. My step Dad managed to corner him and get him to the bank to take out the last few thousand for us, while I managed to get a hold of his brief case and take all the paper work out without him knowing and I found out more than I ever wanted to know. He had another child that is almost 5 years old and being sued for support by the mother. She is half his age and worked at his place of business but is no longer there now. He found out a year ago the child was his, and been living with this and hiding it from me. I know it was eating him alive. Now I have to ask myself how many more affairs were there. He was always home with us except for a few late nights at work and long trips to the store or gas station. I do believe there had to be more than one affair. He seemed so devoted to us that it left us all in shock like someone had died. Family and friends were shocked as well. This man seemed to be crazy about his family. He told me about this affair 3 weeks after he left and said it was 4 years ago, I couldn’t figure out why he would wait this long to tell me about it. He said he was ashamed, But he never came clean about the child. I knew there was more to it. He told me that I didn’t pay any attention to him and that he didn’t feel appreciated by me. He said he thought I will show her. He said I distanced from him first. I filed for divorce 2 days ago after being apart 5 months. He has left me no choice, he is getting in trouble financially and who knows what else he is doing. He is not concerned about the children or there well being, its like he has lost his mind. Getting any information out of him sense he left is like pulling teeth. When I found out he was seeing another woman from the kids he told me that was no big deal they were mainly friends. I’m not playing that game and he knows it so he told me he’s not seeing her anymore and started trying to get closer to me and the kids until I found out about the 401K and the child. Now none of us talk to him. My kids don’t want anything to do with him either. There was one time during this whole time he humbled himself to me after he lost his job and was broke and called crying to me telling me he lost everything that had ever meant any thing to him and didn’t mean to do it and ask if he cleaned himself up was there another chance for us and I told them just clean yourself up and then we will discuss that. But he only got worse after that, he got in the accident and got the DWI. He seems cold and acts as thou he has done nothing wrong even after he knows I know about the child now. No I’m sorry, no remorse of any kind shown. He is letting us have the home and all the contents. Sometimes I wonder if my kids and I are ever going to heal from this ordeal.