What does it take to break free from the affair? What does it take to get to the point of influencing the direction of the affair, without “trying?”

Here are some comments from those on the journey who responded to my request to give their review of my ebook, “Break Free From the Affair.”

>>>Realized that the affair was not as a direct consequence of my actions. It also stopped me behaving in a way that would prevent the breaking free from the affair. The book has also made me center more of myself and improving my self esteem.

>>>It has helped me in regaining self-confidence before I take any decision about my marriage. Getting to know that his affair was HIS decision and not my fault, has helped me to stay strong and focused through this painful situation

>>>We finally talked – I mean REALLY talked. Where he felt safe talking and opened up. No lectures from me – no droning on about whatever I think. And I REALLY listened. It made me feel so good about myself!

>>>Knowing the type of Affair helps to understand the why, and how to go about making the decision whether or not to stay in the marriage. It’s been particularly difficult for me as this my spouse’s 3rd affair (that I know of) in our 45 years of marriage. Not really sure myself why I’m still here looking for answers.

>>>I have more information and was able to handle the situation more adaptly. I’m able to identify the person and the reason my wife strays.

>>>It was like a road map because I wanted to work on my marriage but did not have any clues.

Affairs often stop when the affair is exposed.

Here are some case studies related to stopping the affair:

The first time was”I don’t know if I want to be married” and of course that had nothing to do with anyone ( right he was not cheating) I did the wrong thing to start and that was plead beg cajole, tell him my life would be nothing without him. Then I went to therapy and that helped me stand back and say ” there is the door, walk through it and we can move on” He did not leave- However, I decided that he did not love me and we grew distant. Then he came around and after five years, things were back. Right that is what I thought, then he started dating women, lots of them on the internet. So now he was having the affairs of I love being loved. Or I can’t say NO- The only reason it stopped – all the women he was dating started to figure something was wrong- So one of them hired a PI and found all the other women and they called me and turned him in to me. He was so upset about losing everything and having this mess exposed, he begged me for weeks to keep him, stay with him. He gladly went for therapy ( that is strange- because the first time he hated therapy) and he was very remorseful and very sorry. He vowed that it will never happen again. I have invested over 30 years with this person, so I stayed married. I still have my doubts, I suppose I always will- but I try to look at what is good for me now, not what is good for him. He is on edge because he knows if I just catch and inkling of something- he is gone. He tells me everyday how he loves me and he is thankful for me standing by him. I just have to be strong for both of us, because I know he is so weak and probably did not think of me, but only of himself and his feelings for the five years he was dating. The affair was stopped by the other women and he was done.

My marriage made me do it. I caught my wife of close to thirty years one Friday afternoon. I decided to stop by our rental house which was vacant and noticed her car parked outside in an unusual spot. The door was locked so I unlocked it and found some of there clothes on the living room floor and head noises in the bedroom. I stood stunned in the living room and could only say “Oh my god! I think I said it a couple times and then my wife came out of the bedroom with her jeans and Bra on and bent over to pick up her top. I just stood and starred, she stayed in a kneeling position picking up her clothes. I heard him trying to hide in the bedroom closet. I told him to get the hell out. He slowly slide the sliding closet door open, and came out with his head covered. He must have been thinking I would strike him, but I am not the fighting kind. He went into the living room to get the rest of his clothes. I then said to both of them, “i can’t believe you would risk 28 years of marriage for a “piece of ass” At that point I didn’t know what else to do so I think before I did or said something that I regretted. I went home. While driving home if was shocked and since there had been a couple other cases of emotional affairs, I had told myself in the past that if it happened again that would be the end. So driving home I thought our life was going to dramatically change. I figured she didn’t want me any more. She came home about an hour later after picking up our granddaughter as previously planned for a Friday afternoon. After she got the grand daughter settled I suggested that we go to the garage to “talk” I asked her to tell me what was going on. She said that she craves excitement. I asked if I was that bad of a lover. She said no!!! I asked her if she wanted to leave, she asked me if I wanted her to. I said it depended on what she wanted, she then said she wanted to stay and work on our marriage. we then proceeded with a normal evening. That night she came into the bedroom and asked if I wanted her to sleep somewhere else. I replied that if we were going to work on things that I would perfer her to sleep with me if she wanted to. She indicated that she did. I told her the affair had to sop. she assured me that it had.

I told my husband that somebody asked me to tell him to stop conversing with this office mate often because they are becoming the subject of gossips in the office. That was my only way, however, to stop the affair. No one told me about it, just a woman’s intuition. And he agreed to. It was just an emotional affair, I know. But still it hurts, really.