What does it take for a person to recover from infidelity and begin rebuilding one’s life and perhaps marriage or relationship?

This important question is answered by some of my readers who express what was helpful for them in recovering from infidelity:

>>>>I clearly identified what kind of “cheater” my husband is and feel a great sense of relief as well as strategies on how to approach him accordingly. I also am clear about how to take care of myself in a natural and strong way.

>>>>I learned what behaviors I should exhibit. I learned what behaviors I had been doing that were making things worse. I got a sense of what type of affair (in my wife’s case, just an emotional one thus far) my wife was having and what that meant for her psychologically.

>>>>My wife had a #6, she needed to prove her desirability. Your book, which I now suggest to everyone in my situation, really nailed her personality type and issues related to the affair.

>>>>I actually feel a little better because it seems like such a practical tool for how to deal with my husband on some of these issues.

>>>>I have some guidance to use. I have only just started using them but feel that the charging neutral is one of the best tips I have received.

>>>>It has helped me understand what is going on in my husband’s head.

>>>>Identifying the type of person my spouse is and applying the strategies was very helpful.

>>>>It helped me understand the odds of saving my marriage based on the type of affair my wife is having. As a result, it gave me the strength to move forward with my life without my wife and it also gave me pointers of what not to do. Finally, it helped me understand that there is a ~70% chance that my wife’s affair / relationship will end in failure.

Facing infidelity sets you on a journey with many turning points. The road is difficult, the most intense human experience, I believe, but can lead to a new life, a new relationship with new perspectives on who one is and what one desires the most.

Here’s a question I presented to a reader and the response:

1. What was the turning point(s) in your recovery? What part, if any, did my material (e-book, articles, site) play?

When I realized that there was nothing I could do to get him back. I tried most of your suggestions but apparently he was to far gone. The words “if you love something that much sometimes you have to let it go” and I did and from that day forward I was able to move on in my life. I did however come to realize that I’m a very nice person who is often taken advantage of and in that vein I tried to help someone who took advantage of me and was abusive towards me in the end. Without hesitation when I got to the end of my rope I cut him free, quickly and cut my losses. In do so and spending a few months alone and even toying with the idea of getting back together with my ex I realized that ex was never going to change and I didn’t want a lifetime of lies and cheating. When my head cleared I was blessed with meeting the most wonderful man on earth. We have been together a short period of time but the lessons I’ve learned from you will certainly help me with communication, openness, forgiveness and trust. Thank you for those invaluable insights. My future looks bright.

Here are more comments from readers on their journey of healing:

>>>I have gone through the pain, and attained better emotional stability. And now i am giving my husband a last chance to improve, also planning a healthy break-up if he does not give any assurance to change himself. Sometimes I feel he has sexual addiction.

>>>Trying to see the big picture and be the only one to work on improving the marriage. By charging neutral, not reacting with my communications, I have kept our marriage afloat. My husband has dropped legal dissolution, and our communication is better than it ever has been. Like you said, make the marriage better than ever.

>>>My husband and I have been trying to reconcile for 2 months. He has left 2 times and always come back (we have 4 small children) your insights helped me realize what I was going thru and what to expect. I think we are finished now but I am still wondering what we’ll be up against.I often forward your emails to him. The most telling one was the most recent about therapy-it was us to a tee. He participated only to have an out and say it didn’t work.

>>>The course made me see the mistakes I have been making and showed me the depth of my pain, worded my feelings and, sadly, made me feel “one of the crew” of unhappy people to whom this has happened. It made me feel better, too, to know that many other people had experienced the same terrible emotions, insecurities and doubts and got through them, hopefully, for good. So I immediately ordered the book and now, three months after I found out about my husbands affair and passionate love for the other person I stopped crying every day, he stayed, says that he wants to work on the marriage and I think about the next course for my less-than-satisfactory life and marriage. I’m also now quite capable of thinking about divorce without crying and see it as something that won’t break me if it happens. Thank you.