There have been plenty of cases where the one involved in an affair did not tell his or her partner about it, and have never been discovered. This should tell you to make yourself aware of any signs that could point to your partner having an affair. The most basic of all is a change in habits and behavioral patterns. You could be sensing that something is “off” or “out of character” with your partner but not be able to say specifically what it is.

Although trust is a very important aspect in any relationship, you should be a little cautious when you notice that something is different with your partner, and be brave enough to confront him or her about it. A change in behavior may not always mean that he or she is having an affair, but there still is that possibility.

Educate yourself and understand that there are different kinds of affairs – why and how they start, what it means to your partner, and how your relationship affected his or her decision to go through with it.

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Last Thursday was a day from h-e-l-l. No, it was worse than that.

First google took my site and pushed it down, down, down on a number of keywords. Bottom line: I lost almost half of new visitors to my site. Another bottom line: my stomach started to turn and I could feel the fear and anger swirling in my chest. I’ve worked so hard building this site and a blankety blank computer swarming robot throws it away!

And, get this… I was taking my daughter home the same day (she’s married with family and helps me with break free) and I got a speeding ticket. My first in more than a decade.

I called my long-time, buddy, colleague, soul-mate, friend and confidant, Jeri Swantack, and she was delighted. No kidding!

She said, “Robert, you are going too fast!”

“No lie, I got a ticket,” I replied.

“That’s not exactly what I meant, she said. Something is telling you to stand back, look around, reorient yourself and move in the direction you REALLY want to go. Chill. It’s time for a break.”

You know what?

She was right.

Looking back over the past few months, I’ve focused on tasks that did not give pleasure, that did not fit who I am, what I’m great at.

I’ve been burning a lot of rubber but not going anywhere.

I’ve lost my direction. I’ve lost me. I’ve lost my connection to that which wants the best for me.

And I thought…

This is exactly what’s at the core of the agony of infidelity or facing an extramarital affair.

You’ve lost your self, your direction. You’ve given all to him/her, what s/he is doing or not doing.

Your life (or lack of it) focuses on what is missing, what isn’t there, what you’re not getting.

And as you do that, you become more and more frantic. You move faster and faster, trying to wring from him/her something that s/he can’t or won’t give.

And your failure to get, keeps you trying harder, trying different strategies – all focused on the pain of losing him/her and/or your dreams – all focused outside your self.

The pain accelerates. You think faster. You feel deeper. But it’s all negative emotions, thoughts and images.

So, I took a couple days off and thought about what I REALLY want.

I had a great lunch with Jeri.

I’ve slowed down.

But, I still must pay my ticket.

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