The first step in breaking free from the affair is stopping the behaviors which seem natural and almost instinctive considering the circumstances. Once these behaviors cease, some movement may be seen in breaking free.

Here are some comments from readers on stopping self-defeating actions:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

>>>I was determined not to plead and beg and tell him how much I love him, which was of course what I felt. Things are better, and he seems to have cut off contact with the other woman. I am not totally certain though as he insists they were “friends”.

>>>This E-course helped validate my concerns for my own sanity. I realized how important I am, my dreams, and how much energy I was wasting on him and the OP.I’m glad I found myself again. Thank you.

>>>I feel that your course has helped me to be a better loving person. My love and understanding for my husband has brought him back to me. He now calls the other women “Devil Woman” as she has fought him with name calling, fighting, demands, and pure meanness. Our marriage has reunited after one year of being apart and back and forth indecisions by him and his not knowing who he wanted to be with. Your course helped me to identify what things I had done wrong and the patience to just keep loving him and treating him with understanding. Also the “what not to do” and “what to do” suggestions your course gave me were wonderful and helped very much. Thank you for your help. His affair made our marriage better than it ever was and he treats me better than he ever did before. I know without your courses, your book, and your emails I would never have made it. Thank You

What will the confrontation of the other person do for you?

In confronting the other person, underlying and very pertinent questions are:

What will confronting the other person get for me?
What kind of person am I and how do I want to express that in the confrontation?
What kind of person do I want to become and how can I use the confrontation to expedite that?
How can the confrontation best serve me?
What personal needs do I have now that the confrontation may meet?

This case study illustrates a person concerned about how SHE wants to present herself in the confrontation – no consideration for outcome in terms of the op, but only in terms of how she wants to be.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I simply walked up to her and congratulated her on a job well done in a show she was in with my husband.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She looked at me like a scared little rabbit. I really thought she was expecting me to blow up in her face, but I did the exact opposite. I felt very powerful and full of energy. I had taken back control. I wanted her to know that I existed. I was hoping it would burst the fantasy bubble. Later, I found out from my husband that she had been scared as I was walking toward her expecting a big scene. I calmly complimented her and gave her a hug. Wow! Tough, but necessary to charge neutral.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I would have done it the same exact way. Sometimes I wonder if I should have said something more sarcastic, but I always come back to being very pleased with how I did handle the situation.

How does one recover from the devastation of infidelity? I posed this question, attempting to get feedback on my ecourse: Killer Mistakes. These are responses from two of my readers:

How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

1. My instinct was to want to shame and punish some sense into the perpetrator, and his co perpetrator. It did not work. Had I read your ebook sooner, I could’ve saved myself the frustration. After reading the e-book, I was at least comforted to know that the terrible feelings of grief and off the chart emotions I experienced were not bizarre. I would have bought the e-book sooner, but I was afraid of getting spammed by all kinds of wacko mail, or just my privacy being stepped on.

2. I knew deep down the affair wasn’t my fault. I saw the danger signs and tried to warn him not to spend one-on-one time with her, but that didn’t work, so I knew if I couldn’t stop him from making the mistake, I couldn’t have caused it either. Having the types of affairs described to me really helped. It made it really clear that it was all about him and his inability to communicate what he really needed.