Infidelity changes one’s life. New ways of coping and viewing self, others, family, marriage and the future emerge.

Here’s a question I posed:

1. List 3 or 4 meanings that your partner’s affair has for you. That is to say, what impact is the infidelity having upon YOU? For example, how has is changed what you think about? how you spend your time? how you think of yourself? etc? Tell a story or give examples of how your life is now different.

Even though I know the affair is not my fault, I think about ways I could make myself better. I continue to try and push away the negative and think about what positive has come out of this. Weird thing to say but I can breathe easier knowing that some positive things have come of this. My life is completely different, my husband has decided after 45 days of me finding out and not seeing or speaking to me about anything that he wants a divorce. Needless to say I was absolutely crushed, my family is destroyed or feels that way, we have two children of our own and my nephew who we are guardians for. Our son is 7 and our daughter is 18 mos old. All of a sudden, the dream I thought we both were striving to achieve was on pause while he was put on active duty to support the war. Instead I find that he had an a ffair with a married woman who has four children, he didn’t even cheat right, he told her he was divorced that his wife, whom he still loved left him. I am torn inside in a way that I have never felt before. Our friends and family were surprised but I wasn’t and that is the part that hurts. Through this I have found faith to help me through the rough days and family and friends support is always good. I spend my time trying to stay busy

How does infidelity change one’s life? What is it’s impact? Read what these two readers say. If you’ve been there you might understand. If you haven’t been there it will help you understand the impact of infidelity:

I spend a lot of time thinking about how things could be different. I create fantasy partners, who love and cherish me, and help or inspire me to find hidden talents in myself. I wish I were different - prettier, more clever, more athletic, more alluring - but I don’t how to make those changes. And I’ve stopped sharing things about my marriage with those people I used to confide in.

I know longer trust him, I check his cell phone, his clothes, and his vehicle. I stay angry at him most of the time, something happens that brings back all of the pain, and it doesn’t help that he still works in the same company with them. I feel insecure, not desirable, I have more self- doubt. He tells me I just need to get over it there is worse things than someone having a affair, but not in “My World”. I trusted him with all of my heart and all he could say was, I took him for granted, we both made mistakes now just get over. And what’s the worst part I know he still in contact even though he tries to act like he’s not.

How does infidelity impact a person?

Check these out from my readers.

The last one is telling.

>>>>>Infidelity has destroyed my trust in my spouse and also I don’t trust myself to make good decisions for fear of being hurt again. My self esteem is at an all time low.

>>>>>I am not happy anymore. I think I’m depressed. I don’t trust him anymore. I ma very emotionally sensitive these days.

>>>>>It feels like it will never be over. Not until HE acknowledges what he did and is able to accept my forgiveness and show that he has changed the way he lives his live. I honestly want to have cordial relationship with him, but because he cannot “own” what he has done he continues to act like a jerk toward me when there is no reason for it. I don’t trust myself to pick another partner. I don’t want to put anymore energy into developing a new relationship with another man. It is hard to keep my relationships with my in-laws, though we are very fond of each other and they have been very supportive of me.

>>>>>I spend alot of the time thinking about how she could do this to our family. Going over the last 9 months and all of the events and arguments seems to get me no peace. She has filed for a divorce and I still cannot believe that she would tear apart not only my world but also our two daughter’s world also. I am low, depressed and wondering/hoping that this will end. It is absolutely the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I live somewhere else and all I want to do is go home and make her happy but she doesn’t want me. It’s in God’s hands all I can do is worry about my kids. My wife of 13 years has left me for a fantasy!

>>>>>I realized that I deserve more than I have been getting. I have started to feel more confident in myself. I have opened myself to possible relationships with other men. I have started going out with my friends.

>>>>>I don’t take myself for granted. I basically took off and made myself a new life when he told me he wanted a divorce. I now know how much fun it is to start over and do exactly what I want and need to do. Incidentally, he followed me, we reconciled and things are better now than they were before.