This husband’s wife reconnected with an old boyfriend (someone she was engaged to) after 20 + years of marriage.
You can find his first letter here.
Please leave your comments, questions, insights and concerns below. Remember, we are hear to learn not to be dogmatic. BTW, for those of you who have read Break Free From the Affair, which of the 7 types of affairs do you suppose this is?
Second email:
Hi (OP’s name) ….hope you are well.
It has been almost 4 months since I last communicated with you. However, as a husband, father, and man….I am touching base with you one more time in order to clarify my thoughts, requests and intentions.
I am asking that you keep this between you and me.
As you know (wife’s name) and I have challenges which we are still working through. However, they were complicated by her reconnection with you. The original communications between you and (wife’s name)…even you would have to admit that 37 hours of phone calls, 2200 text messages (30 – 40 a day?), and numerous other emails, etc. in a 9 week time period was more than excessive. If you don’t believe my stats, let me know, I can send you the phone records. I don’t know how (op’s wife’s name) your wife would feel about that, but from any vantage point it was not even close to appropriate. If you think that your connection with (wife’s name) was “just friends”, feel free to Google the term Emotional Affair or Emotional Infidelity for an eye opening experience.
The bottom line…..I am asking you to please do yourself justice and focus on YOUR relationship with YOUR wife and children without involving my wife and family any further. Your personal problems with your job and wife should be dealt with by you and you alone. “Forever and Always” needs to stay in the past….not further tag lines on emails to my wife. Sure….I get it….fond memories of an old flame are normal….but they need to stay in the past as memories. You “let her go” once before and I’m sure that you can do it again.
(OP’s name)… my hope is that you respectfully decline or at the very least severely limit any future communications or pre-planned and “accidental” meetings with my wife. You can do it in a kind, compassionate, yet respectful manner. Keeping things professional and above board. But…further contact with (wife’s name), the sharing of intimate relationship details/problems, and other interactions is not healthy for ANY of us. Focus on your family and their future….they need you now more than ever and I will focus on mine. I respectfully advise you to do this in the hope that (wife’s name) and I can regain trust in one another and recover what any dignity is left in our marriage. I do not know your current relationship with (op’s wife’s name)….but I cannot believe she would not be hurt, upset, and betrayed by your actions, conversations, and involvement with my wife.
This should not be some sort of Romeo and Juliet situation with the allure of forbidden contact. We are not teenagers or college students…..this is real life and the decisions we make….actions we take ….all affect our families and children. It is not a harmless game.
Please take the high road on this.
I ask again that you respect my position on keeping this between us and I will respect the same position with you.
I wish you well with your life. Should you want to respond I will be receptive.
Thank you.
(husband’s name)
P.S. I asked my reader, the wounded husband, to fill me in on what happens. Might be interesting!
