Studies show that a great percentage of people in relationships or marriages have, at some point, tried being in extramarital affairs. And most likely than not, one or two people close to you are a part of that statistic without you knowing.

There have been plenty of cases where the one involved in an affair did not tell his or her partner about it, and have never been discovered. This should tell you to make yourself aware of any signs that could point to your partner having an affair. The most basic of all is a change in habits and behavioral patterns. You could be sensing that something is “off” or “out of character” with your partner but not be able to say specifically what it is.

Although trust is a very important aspect in any relationship, you should be a little cautious when you notice that something is different with your partner, and be brave enough to confront him or her about it. A change in behavior may not always mean that he or she is having an affair, but there still is that possibility.

Educate yourself and understand that there are different kinds of affairs – why and how they start, what it means to your partner, and how your relationship affected his or her decision to go through with it.

I want to talk briefly about my upcoming webinar, C.O.P, which means “Confronting the Other Person.” Sometimes, don’t you feel like a C.O.P or a detective, trying to figure our what the other person is doing, thinking, their focal point being? This all demands a tremendous amount of energy.

My first C.O.P. webinar will be tomorrow, Thursday, 9/30/2010 at 5:00 EST. Throughout the course of this webinar I’m going to introduce some ideas I have on confronting the OP as they relate to the seven types of affairs that are outlined in my e-book, Break Free From the Affair.

It was always a question of mine, “Should a person confront or not confront the other person in the affair?” I really didn’t have a strong feeling about that. I guess my major thought was, “No, that probably isn’t a good idea…it’s probably just going to stir up a hornets nest.”

However, I didn’t have much material or enough information to back up this thought. I didn’t find much research on the subject, mainly because it’s something that’s hard for people to talk about.

So, I sent out a survey to my readers on C.O.P. and I asked them to relay their experiences. I got 400-500 stories back from people about either confronting or not confronting the other person, what happened, the disasters and the successes. It was a tremendous resource for me to go over those stories and look at people’s experiences.

For some, the experience was very positive and rewarding. For others, confronting the other person was a complete disaster. I took all the stories and began to organize and think through those stories and underlying reasons.

What I want to do in my first workshop is look at the 7 types of affairs, and whether or not it would be a good idea or problematic to confront the other person.

Go ahead and sign up for my webinar. It’s free, and I will have some goodies to share with you for signing up.

I’m offering a free webinar on 9/30 on C.O.P Confronting the Other Person Considering the 7 Types of Affairs.
If you haven’t already, you can sign up now.

One of those who signed up for the webinar emailed me two emails he sent to the other person. He is more than willing to share these emails with you, with names omitted.

The wife reconnected with someone she was engaged to and continued to email, text and Facebook.
This is the husband’s first letter to the OP.

Please leave your comments below. Give your impressions, what you learned, questions or concerns. Refrain from harsh criticism or effusive praise. We are here to learn from each other.

The first email:
(Name of OP….)

We have never met but by now you know everything about me and my life with (wife’s name) and the kids. As you know we are going to counseling starting today. It has been a tough 10 days for me as I search myself and ponder everything that has brought us to this point. (Wife’s name) does give you credit for speaking up and saying something to me about our relationship. For that I thank you.

However, I am asking that you now step back if you can from (wife’s name) as we try to heal our relationship. I love her more than I have ever shared. I have never been unfaithful to her and yes….I have had some episodes where I have said some mean and inappropriate things to her and the family. I cannot make excuses but I know that I need to re-program my mind to live in the moment, seek some stress counseling, and become a better husband.

(Wife’s name) has shared some devastating news with me in regards to her feelings towards me and in order for us to move forward I cannot have her emotions clouded with feelings or thoughts towards you and your past relationship. I know you and (wife’s name) were very close and I frankly do not have a problem with you being friends or even having lunch together in the near future….but only after our situation is healed.

(OP’s name)….from what (wife’s name) has told me it appears that you do not have any design on her. However, I fear that she has become emotionally attached to what could have been and I cannot believe that it is healthy for you and her to continue such in-depth phone conversations…..over 35 hours in 2 months. When I saw that today I was devastated and in trying to get (wife’s name) to open up with me all week I had a hunch there was more to this entire situation.

I write this email taking a chance that if and when (wife’s name) finds out, she will not feel I have overstepped my bounds. However I feel compelled to contact you and give you my perspective because you are such a large part of this situation.

I have no idea what will happen with the counselor. I do know that (wife’s name) has focused on much of the negative, yet there is so much more to our previous 22 years together as we have built our family. I can only hope and pray that she begins to focus on some of those times too.

(OP’s name)….I thank you for your time and I hope at some time we do meet. I believe we would get along well, at least (wife’s name) has always said that.

Thank you again.

(huband’s name)