1. List 2-3 things you did to help you as a couple heal the wound.

(we are just starting and he still knows nothing about this book or info) 1. The process has just started by my getting the book, and trying to gain the needed information, reading it, understanding the affair, and putting everything into perspective, trying to absorb all of the info and putting into practice the things that I learned and watching the results. 2. we took a vacation…. the op still tried to call his cell, but he ignored it…, but we just had fun and spent time…. “neutral” so to speak, just doing something different to see if we still enjoyed each others company or not…. We had a good time, part of it I would go ahead and go swimming by myself and shopping by myself, and just left him in the room. Or I did window shopping by myself so he could see that I didn’t have to be “attached” to him to have a good time… it helped me too… also, I stopped holding his hand instead I would just walk beside him. He started to reach out for me more often. I learned to not “expect” anything and to bite the sides of my mouth if I had to in order to be more control of what I really want to say… 3. my changed responses and reactions to his typical insults and rudeness did cause him to have to change his responses…. and actions. He doesn’t know that he is not the one in charge of the situation right now…. He still thinks that he is in control, but he is still so out of control and focus…. this does give me the strength I need to take care of myself and my daughter and to make a plan and decisions that I need… so as a couple we have a long way to go, but he has started to make future plans for “us”, like a 10 year commitment in a time share, a new security system that will take time to pay off, and up-grading our health insurance policies for better coverage… and talking about his possible upcoming promotion and the possibity that I may be able to work less and be home more… (which is one thing he really needs and that is for me to be home for him when he is off work.) Note * your information is right on…. while no one else seems to think that a marriage can be saved or worth it…. you and your information does offer another solution to choose from… thatnks… the things that I have tried do work… I still don’t know if it will work, but it is certainly worth a try…. I have already invested 16 years into this “relationship” and so why not try something new that might help… thanks for all you do.

After the discovery and resolution of infidelity, stands the task of healing the marriage.

No easy task.

If interested, I offer an e-book: Marriage Makeover.

My readers might also help you understand the implement the healing process. Here are some responses:

1. List 2-3 things you did to help you as a couple heal the wound.

A. Talked, Talked, no details, a promise to trust 110%. 2- No Lies, Always Truth no matter what pain you cause you’re partner. 3- Earn the trust back, at all costs, talk more when you feel insecure, hold each other every day, re-new the Love that brought you together, hold hands when you fall asleep !

B. Firstly, forget the affair. Secondly, and think about each other Overtime, when the anger has left, you will decide if you still want to pursue the marriage.

C. remained calm did not accuse planned every conversation (telephone call) to be positive, kind, keeping the communication going eventually she began to realize that all those terrible things she had convinced herself about me were not the true picture

D. 1) Be honest with what we feel in the moment 2) Acknowledge that what we are dealing with is in the past but needs to be dealt with now 3) Be free to feel be vulnerable again

E. Kept in touch every day, even a quick phone call from the office to say “how are you”? helps to make you feel more loved and secure We made a decision to try to forget past “memories” because lots of them had reminders of the affair, and make new memories for us as a couple.It was very difficult as 30 years of memories (good and bad) are hard to put aside.

When does the pain and agony of infidelity and extramarital affairs begin to turn around? When does recovery and healing the marriage after infidelity begin?

I posed this question to my readers. Here are some responses:

The turning point in my recovery was after 2 years when a personal tragedy struck our family and my husband was supportive and wonderful and I could truly trust that he had made a mistake (we all do) and that he was a good person and worth the chance to forgive and go on with our lives.

Turning point was that once I recovered from the shock I was able to sever the relationship as for me there was no respect left. Your materials provided some insight into infidelity issues and even though there are many reasons for infidelity men and women must realize that wanting to ‘have your cake and eating it too’ will inevitably cause some serious digestive problems!!!

The initial turning point for me was finding your book. I felt so lost and so alone. My mind raced constantly searching for answers. I just wanted to stop thinking…that’s it I wanted my mind to rest. It didn’t until I found your book. I feared that my feelings were not justified. The feeling of loss, the loss of the life that I once knew. The checking up on him so many, many things. I first found your book roughly 3 years ago. I kept my husbands affair to myself. I had no one that I wanted to share it with as I felt shame. Shame in the fact that I decided to stay with my husband. The book and your newsletter were a sense of relief for me and confirmation of my feelings that others before me had felt. I didn’t feel as alone anymore. I could consult, confidentially it lessened my pain so I could begin healing.