Verbal and physical abuse may be part of an extramarital affair. And, the cheating spouse may be so deeply ingrained in abusive patterns (sometimes called a character disorder) that setting firm boundaries may be the only way to deal with the abuse and save one self and/or children. Sometimes it IS better to leave.

I’ve posed the question of abuse to my readers. Read these case studies:

Case study 1:

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
My marriage is in Divorce stage. Husband is with OW and she just had a baby. I did not put up with any of the abuses from the beginning. He blamed me for the whole affair, wanted me to continue to care for the home and his son (not mine) and take his laundry to the dry cleaner and drop him at the airport to go see her. I walked in on him having internet sex with camera’s with the OW
.
2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
I had a court order drawn up getting him out of the house and refused to take the abuse. In working through the divorce, I still refuse to take his abuse and refuse to let him push my buttons.

Case Study 2:

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?
everything imaginable,accused of affair,lying stealing spying.starting fights to get out,leaving for weeks at a time.still says hes never had a girlfriend or affair,only hookers,he thinks that’s acceptable and hes said sorry,so everything should be just fine.Total disregard for me in every way.

2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?
moving out

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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Sunday, August 9th, 2009 at 9:57 am and is filed under Infidelity and Tolerations. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: infidelity and abuse, affair and abuse, boundaries and infidelity, coping with infidelity, coping with the affair.