Must you Protect Your Man?

Below is a familiar case study.

The wounded wife is in a fight for her life to save her dependent rather passive, easily-lead-by-the-nose husband from an aggressive female.

The wounded wife (who is aggressive herself) does battle with the other woman.

Not a pretty picture.

Of course, the wounded wife “wins” because the cheating husband finds more solace in accommodating his aggressive wife where there is more investment than with the aggressive other woman.

In reality, no one wins.

Winning would mean the married couple addressing the wife’s need to protect (or control) her husband and the husband’s passivity (which really is control.)

Here’s the case study:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I found a txt message on my partners mobile phone” When are you coming back paul, I miss you. Love Lyn x I was furious. I wrote down the number then confronted my man. I was leaving for a trip in 3 hours. He cut up the sim card and said it was “done”. I called her number during a stop over. My heart was racing. I had proof , tangible proof finally that she was in contact with him. He is easily swayed, if I wanted this to stop I had to make her pull away. So began a tirade of calls, hang up, txts, emails etc.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

Others who cared for me helped in the quest to bully her out of our lives. There was a duplicate page for her on Facebook, looked the same but hell was it full of truths and warnings to others – men and women- about psychos like her that use Facebook to prey on our men. It worked, she sent him an abusive email – derogatory toward not only myself but also him. Wishes she had never met him. Threatened him with the police. I want to be sure it has stopped but can not be certain. He is clever with the computer, I see his trail.(He doesn’t think I know where to look) he has visited new public email sites and signed up. He doesn’t access these when I am around. When I confronted him previously he denied everything – even with very tangible evidence, tried to lie his way into an explanation. He didn’t have my advantage though… he didn’t know how much of the big picture I was seeing. make a list… see where the dots connect…keep following the path. its so easy.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I wouldn’t do it again. He is on his final warning. If he gets caught I walk – and he will find himself in mountains of trouble financially, I am the major wage earner! If I were to do anything differently – it would be to do nothing differently. I waited patiently to find this slags address or phone number – one cant intimidate by email, its too easy to be blocked. She was so damned cocky, figured he would choose her – even though the affair was electronic and conducted across state lines. I learned so much, and renewed a vow to myself never to give 100% ever again. I will never fully trust a man, even this one ever again – hurts too much when you get the kick inthe guts- right where the intuition was screaming at you to wisen up to things, face and confront!

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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009 at 9:25 am and is filed under confronting the other person. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: confronting the other woman, confronting the other person, control in infidelity, control in an affair, the aggressive other woman, marriage infidelity, problem in a marriage.