What will the confrontation of the other person do for you?
In confronting the other person, underlying and very pertinent questions are:
What will confronting the other person get for me?
What kind of person am I and how do I want to express that in the confrontation?
What kind of person do I want to become and how can I use the confrontation to expedite that?
How can the confrontation best serve me?
What personal needs do I have now that the confrontation may meet?
This case study illustrates a person concerned about how SHE wants to present herself in the confrontation – no consideration for outcome in terms of the op, but only in terms of how she wants to be.
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
I simply walked up to her and congratulated her on a job well done in a show she was in with my husband.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
She looked at me like a scared little rabbit. I really thought she was expecting me to blow up in her face, but I did the exact opposite. I felt very powerful and full of energy. I had taken back control. I wanted her to know that I existed. I was hoping it would burst the fantasy bubble. Later, I found out from my husband that she had been scared as I was walking toward her expecting a big scene. I calmly complimented her and gave her a hug. Wow! Tough, but necessary to charge neutral.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I would have done it the same exact way. Sometimes I wonder if I should have said something more sarcastic, but I always come back to being very pleased with how I did handle the situation.
Related posts:
- Infidelity Q&A #5: Do I Confront the Other Person? Do I confront the other person involved with my husband/wife?...
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Friday, June 12th, 2009 at 9:31 am and is filed under Confronting the Other Person, Infidelity Quickie, Infidelity Testimonials. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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June 16th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I finally made contact with the OP by email after 18 months of discovering my husband’s affair. I felt it necessary to be able to move forward, more for peace for myself.
I sent an email explaining I was aware of the affair and basically told her to “move on”. I also let her know that I am disgusted by women like herself.
I received no response but I don’t care. My reason for contacting her was strictly for myself.
I do not regret contacting her, just wish I had done this sooner so I could move forward.