http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2009/05/19/an-example-of-the-i-need-to-prove-my-desirability-affair/ to Survive and Cope with Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs Thu, 02 Feb 2012 21:06:05 -0800 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2009/05/19/an-example-of-the-i-need-to-prove-my-desirability-affair/comment-page-1/#comment-33893 Joe Dolan Wed, 20 May 2009 07:07:01 +0000 http://www.infidelity-help.com/?p=538#comment-33893 My ex wife may fall into this category as well as the "my marriage made me do it" category. She grew up in a dysfunctional family, with emotional, verbal and physical abuse from her mother and four sisters. Both her father (an alcoholic) and her mother had affairs (he was first, and a serial philanderer; she began a 20-year affair when she couldn't make it financially). My ex was sexually assaulted in high school and suffered from low self-esteem for many years. I feel that our marriage had improved her esteem issues, but in 2006, the year she turned 40, she fell into a depression that had two horrible effects: she had an affair with a high-school flame and physically attacked me. Then her sister's husband had an affair that was revealed on the local TV station and her niece was raped. In 2008, she started a new job and met her eventual affair partner. Add to the mix her breast augmentation late in 2007; by Jan. 1, 2008, she had moved into a townhouse with her OM, whom she described as her fiance. Looking back, she was a time bomb waiting to explode. Although I was not the perfect husband, I'm not sure I could have defused that bomb even if I had fully understood the forces working within her. We have been divorced since December 2008. Her affair is over, but the damage is done (although it continues to reverberate). Truly sad, truly tragic for all of us, especially our beautiful children. My ex wife may fall into this category as well as the “my marriage made me do it” category. She grew up in a dysfunctional family, with emotional, verbal and physical abuse from her mother and four sisters. Both her father (an alcoholic) and her mother had affairs (he was first, and a serial philanderer; she began a 20-year affair when she couldn’t make it financially). My ex was sexually assaulted in high school and suffered from low self-esteem for many years. I feel that our marriage had improved her esteem issues, but in 2006, the year she turned 40, she fell into a depression that had two horrible effects: she had an affair with a high-school flame and physically attacked me. Then her sister’s husband had an affair that was revealed on the local TV station and her niece was raped. In 2008, she started a new job and met her eventual affair partner. Add to the mix her breast augmentation late in 2007; by Jan. 1, 2008, she had moved into a townhouse with her OM, whom she described as her fiance. Looking back, she was a time bomb waiting to explode. Although I was not the perfect husband, I’m not sure I could have defused that bomb even if I had fully understood the forces working within her. We have been divorced since December 2008. Her affair is over, but the damage is done (although it continues to reverberate). Truly sad, truly tragic for all of us, especially our beautiful children.

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