It is important in confronting the other man or confronting the other woman to have a well thought through plan.

Read this example:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

My husband (separated) at the time, planned to take our son (age 10) there for the weekend. This affair had been going on for over a year (with my knowledge just a few months). I felt there were some things I needed to say to her, prior to that happening. She lived in another town and I had never met her. I mainly wanted to make her real in my mind and heart. Prior to this meeting – she was just a figment of HIS imagination.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

I (along with my sister) drove to her home 1 1/2 hours away from mine. My husband was there for the weekend – I knew he was there – and I asked him to leave while we spoke. I had tried to meet her several other times; but she backed out each time. I asked to meet her somewhere – but she said (through my husband), that if I wanted to meet her then come to her house – so I did. She invited me in – I refused. My sister stayed in the car – but was within eye sight. I told her that I had some things to say and I felt she needed to face me. She started out by saying she was sorry for my pain. I shared that she & my husband had control over the pain that myself & our children were experiencing. I would not allow my son to spend any overnite visit with them – as we were still married & I felt that was morally wrong. She tried to tell me how moral she was (worked in a bank), but I stuck to my beliefs. I told her that my husband & I would always have a connection through our children – and I would not go through her to get to him. We would always need to talk about the children & make decisions. She said she wanted to be their friend – but never their mother. I told her I still felt their was hope for our marriage, but she needed to step out of the picture. She said she would walk away – if my husband told her to. She said you can’t help who you fall in love with – I disagreed – don’t date a married man was my solution to that. She said she would move to our town for MY sake – so that I would be closer to my son during my husband’s visitation times. But if I didn’t want them to live there – they would move somewhere else. We parted in a civil manner – I then met my husband and wanted to hit him where it hurt – but refrained.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I needed to meet her just to start to process that this was real, and she was a real person. I would still go to her home – I did it for my son. I insisted they not have him there until after the divorce – which they did. He was confused enough without explaining that. She then moved to our town (without my knowledge) a few months later. I read about the real estate transfer in the paper – they didn’t want me to know about the move, because we had not finalized what I wanted from the divorce. To end this story – we have been divorced over a year and a half. They married 1 year after the divorce; and he says that she accuses him of cheating with me. Funny huh.

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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Thursday, April 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pm and is filed under Confronting the Other Person. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: confronting the other woman, confronting the other man, a plan to confront the other woman, infidelity and the other woman, coping with infidelity, marital infidelity, effects of infidelity, marriage infidelity, extramarital affairs, surviving infidelity, emotional infidelity, emotional affair.