The fear of losing it all or other internal factors often keep the wounded spouse hanging on for hope and some sign that the affair will end and sanity will reappear.

The cheating spouse often plays into that fear with manipulative efforts that keep the spouse “at home” and at the same time offer him/her the opportunity to play.

The wounded spouse grabs onto the “niceness” or words of endearment but is thrown into near despair the next moment he walks out the door to be with the OP.

Read how these two women tolerate such behavior. Note also the resolve with the second person to set some boundaries.

Response to my question: What do you tolerate or put up with?

“Still talking with op on cell phone,coming home late,drinking a little too often, little snide remarks to see if he can get a rise out of me,and saying I still don’t know if I want to be married but turns around in the very next moment and does something really nice to give me some sort of hope then turns right around and takes a big notch out of it, all around mood swings from one min. to the next.”

“1. Keeping his cell phone text messages secret between “her” and him. 2. Taking off on Saturdays and not hearing from him until Monday—always has an excuse of where he is but deep down I know he’s spending it with her. 3. Know when he’s lying but don’t call him out; let it go and just try to project love. 4. Letting him continue to play family with me and our kids while we are separated; he has his own place now but stays weeknights with me and the kids. 5. Can’t keep riding this yo-yo relationship; over 2 years now and I must let go and stop pretending we are a family….I need to STOP this madness; stand up for myself and say NO its enough…get my own social life. Let go of the dream of being a family again.”

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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Friday, April 3rd, 2009 at 8:51 am and is filed under Infidelity and Tolerations. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: setting boundaries in infidelity, tolerating the infidelity, coping with infidelity, marital infidelity, marriage infidelity, effects of infidelity, extramarital affairs, surviving infidelity, emotional infidelity, emotional affair.