Much of coping with infidelity, at least the initial rush of fear and panic, involves the capacity to stand back and assume a different perspective, a different way of thinking about your circumstance.

You see, we all have deeply ingrained assumptions about ourselves, about love, about marriage, about relationships that we have gathered along the way that are… well…. just plain inaccurate and distortions of reality. (Too much television, movies, gossip and grocery market tabloids, I suppose.)

Being slammed with infidelity means being slammed by our distortions and inaccuracies.

Once we stand back mentally and are capable of putting together a new way of thinking, the awful feelings subside, we react less and act more.

Here are a couple comments from those who are in the process of making that shift:

1. “As soon as I downloaded the E- Course and started reading it the initial ‘blind’ panic subsided and I started immedialtely to shift my concentration from the horrible negative and hopelessness I felt from my husbands affair. The immediate quote that gave me so much strength was the line – ‘The affair is NOT ABOUT YOU!”.- IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I some how separated myself from the turmoil I was in – it was a bit like leaving a room where two people are arguing I somehow managed to realize that the problem was their problem and this thought was the first positive and very powerful thought that got me thru those first couple of very painful days. Three weeks on we are talking, talking talking, some days are good and then there are the times that I feel angry and hurt, but I seem to handle these bad times much better and when I do have these down days I go back and re-read the E-Course book and keep reminding myself that it is not about me. This way I am able to disassociate myself from the triangle. I am able to become more rationale – talk more rationally and think more rationally. i am also thinking more about myself and where I am going – I am going to use this experience to get on top of my fears and I have told myself many times and now do really believe it that ‘I will be okay’ – believe me without this wonderful book there is no way that I would have every got to this stage. – Thank you so very much.”

2. “It (Killer Mistakes e-course) has given me a different perspective on things by helping me to deal with the hurt in a different way.”

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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Saturday, March 28th, 2009 at 9:34 am and is filed under Infidelity Help. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: healing from infidelity, triangles and infidelity, thinking differently and infidelity, coping with infidelity, marital infidelity, marriage infidelity, effects of infidelity, extramarital affairs, surviving infidelity, emotional infidelity, emotional affair.