We tend to put up with or tolerate a great deal in life. Too much, in reality. And, part of creating a healthy life and life-style is putting up with and tolerating less.
When infidelity raises it’s head, tolerating raises to another level.
Healing from infidelity means putting up with less and less.
Here are some responses to my question…
1. What are the 5 top things you presently are tolerating or putting up with as you face infidelity?:
1) Sending text messages and then deleted them on her cell phone. 2) Don’t ask her whereabouts when she leaves while I’m at work to avoid arguments. 3) Avoid questioning to show her that I trusted her. 4) Using the O.P. birthday as password from her email. I got it from pc spy software. 5) She sends email messages and delete it from her SENT folder.
He (the cheater) is not nor can he see himself EVER being attracted to me. After 5 counseling sessions together, he feels that he is “cured” and and misses HER intensely. He seems consumed with his schedule to try and see her and be with her. She has snubbed him and is trying to move on and that makes him want her even more. I am only 3 months into the discovery of the affair. I have forgiven him and want our marriage to work. I feel that he is talking out of both sides of his mouth. He says he has no plans to move out or divorce me RIGHT now, but he would like to stay friends.I just don’t think 3 months of ending the affair and “trying” is enough time versus 16 years of marriage. We are not financially secure enough to separate. No kids involved. He turned 50 in March and is very selfish and narcissistic this year. I am 6 weeks post op hysterectomy. Two weeks ago our home was burglarized (took a 200 lb safe) came through the front doors in broad day light. Stole our identity. I have been the bread winner for the last 7 years. I am in a swirl of pain and my crystal ball is broken. I will turn 50 in a few months. I am trying to concentrate on self care, but my world has fallen apart.
the anger that arises when i ask him about the affair. his unwillingness to talk about it. the fact that he turns things around and makes them my fault. his inability or lack of willingness to comfort and reassure me of his feelings for me. the fact that “i said i love you” and “i’m here,aren’t i” isn’t what i would expect from someone who is supposedly truly sorry. not having the answers i need as to why he is still here-me, the kids, financial reasons-losing everything he’s worked for?
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Wednesday, February 18th, 2009 at 10:39 am and is filed under Infidelity and Tolerations. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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facing infidelity, tolerating infidelity, coping with infidelity, marital infidelity, effects of infidelity, marriage infidelity, extramarital affairs, surviving infidelity, emotional infidelity, emotional affair.
