Much of dealing with the affair is finding a sense of peace in the midst of the craziness. And, from this core of peace, you can act, rather than react. The capacity to act rather than react forms the foundation for successfully dealing with infidelity and accelerating the healing process.
Read what this person says:
You validated so many of my feelings. I felt totally lost. Using the charge neutral method, I probably saved us from falling completely apart. I did feel more in control, and my husband (the cheater) actually didn’t know what to say or how to react. I also had to get rid of my anger as it was indeed very destructive. I don’t ever want to feel that bad again. By doing that, I am able to see things much more clearly, enjoy my children more, and cope with my husband better. He is nowhere near at my stage. We are probably the worst case scenario in your affair list. While we crossover into some of the others, the first one describes us the best. He has started to read some of the ebook materials, and is at least reading right now. It isn’t going to be easy, and I don’t know if it will work out. I love my husband, but I am definitely not in love with him right now. While I have to accept what he has done, I am definitely not ready to forgive him. Some days are good, some days I am rattled to my core. But remembering to continue to charge neutral, I survive much better and stay in control of me. I realize I must make changes in myself, but I cannot force him to change. I do feel more peace in myself, although that may sound crazy. We went away 3 days after I found out about the affair (after months of asking him), and that too probably kept us from coming completely apart. We had a scheduled family vacation, but went alone and left our children (20, 18, 15) home, which if nothing else was the best thing we could have ever done for them. They relied on each other, and didn’t have to see their Dad for a bit. I made him take responsibility and tell the kids what he had done. Honesty feels good, and we haven’t had much of that. We talked for hours on end while we were away, and actually had a good time. Sounds strange doesn’t it?! Unfortunately we had to come back to reality, but at least I see there may be something to save. Thanks for being on the web. I googled and found your sight and if I hadn’t-I know where I would be right now.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Friday, February 13th, 2009 at 12:22 pm and is filed under Infidelity Help. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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dealing with the affair, dealing with infidelity, coping with infidelity, marital infidelity, effects of infidelity, marriage infidelity, extramarital affairs, emotional infidelity, surviving infidelity, emotional affair.
