After the discovery and resolution of infidelity, stands the task of healing the marriage.
No easy task.
If interested, I offer an e-book: Marriage Makeover.
My readers might also help you understand the implement the healing process. Here are some responses:
1. List 2-3 things you did to help you as a couple heal the wound.
A. Talked, Talked, no details, a promise to trust 110%. 2- No Lies, Always Truth no matter what pain you cause you’re partner. 3- Earn the trust back, at all costs, talk more when you feel insecure, hold each other every day, re-new the Love that brought you together, hold hands when you fall asleep !
B. Firstly, forget the affair. Secondly, and think about each other Overtime, when the anger has left, you will decide if you still want to pursue the marriage.
C. remained calm did not accuse planned every conversation (telephone call) to be positive, kind, keeping the communication going eventually she began to realize that all those terrible things she had convinced herself about me were not the true picture
D. 1) Be honest with what we feel in the moment 2) Acknowledge that what we are dealing with is in the past but needs to be dealt with now 3) Be free to feel be vulnerable again
E. Kept in touch every day, even a quick phone call from the office to say “how are you”? helps to make you feel more loved and secure We made a decision to try to forget past “memories” because lots of them had reminders of the affair, and make new memories for us as a couple.It was very difficult as 30 years of memories (good and bad) are hard to put aside.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Sunday, December 14th, 2008 at 10:33 am and is filed under After the Affair. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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March 25th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
My husband cheated on me twice.Once 8 years into our marriage and again last year for approx.6 months.Both were co-workers.He has be emotionally abusive as well as physically abusive but has not done that for the last 16 years. We have been married 27 years with three grown children.Even though he is sorry and says he won’t do it again the odds are favorable for him to cheat again.He has agreed to couples counseling and we are going but I don’t really know if I want to stay married to him.Day to day my feelings change from wanting to be with him to wanting to run away and never look back. Our kids just want us to be happy.I also had an affair about 10 years into our marriage because he kept accusing me but until then I did not have one.It doesn’t make it right but that was my thinking at the time.I’m miserable and hurt and I am not the same person I was last year.I’m depressed and nothing makes me happy anymore.I don’t know which way to go.I don’t want to be hurt again but I also believe in forgiveness..I don’t want to be disrespected again and a gullible idiot. Do you have any advice? Thanks