Charging neutral, or being calm and centered when one confronts the other person is a wonderful gift. Read.. and leave comments below…
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
I was in a position where I would be meeting her -my husband and I went to a function required for his job. At this point the affair had ended. I approached her and asked her if she would like to talk for a few minutes. She said yes, and we arranged to meet outside at a set time. She began the conversation by apologizing for any pain that she caused. She said that wasn’t her intention; she got “attached” to my husband and still had feelings for him. I did not response. I said very little. I went into this feeling calm and centered, and I believe this is KEY to “confronting”. It was essential to me that I keep my integrity, not divulge information about myself or my relationship with my husband. I would not have initiated this meeting if I had been feeling emotionally charged, angry, or “out of control” in any way. I feel I would have been empowering her/them if I had not been completely in control of myself. I said that I wished for someone available to come into her life, that my husband and I were committed to our marriage and our family. And that was all. I was not cold, just neutral.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
We both expressed to each other that we were glad to have had this short conversation. I came away feeling “done”; like I had done my part and had some closure.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
Overall I am satisfied. More than learned, I got an opportunity to get a feel for who she is, and that was important to me.
Coach’s Comments:
She calls it feeling calm and centered. In my E-book, Break Free From the Affair, I call it charging neutral. It is a wonderful and POWERFUL place to be. And, it is highly effective in getting the exact outcome you want.
Part of confronting the other person involves boundaries. What am I going to share? What will I refuse to share? How much information needs to be passed back and forth. Setting in your mind, beforehand, what the boundaries will be, generates a feeling of being in “integrity.”
Confronting the other person brought closure - the feeling of being “done.” Often we need and must close this chapter, as best as we can at the moment, and open a new one.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 9:00 am and is filed under confronting the other person. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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charging neutral, confronting the other woman, marital infidelity, coping with infidelity, marriage infidelity, effects of infidelity, extramarital affairs, emotional infidelity, surviving infidelity, emotional affair.
