Confronting the other person often carries with it powerful images, feelings and emotions. Hear her story:

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

I wanted to meet her, to see what this person looked and acted like who my husband was so in love with. Not having a face to go with her name was very frustrating for me. I also wanted to tell her in person that my children knew about her and how hurt they all were and she should exit our lives asap. This was after calling her a couple of times and emailing her maybe 3 times over the course of months, Nothing changed. I got word that she was flying into the country and wanted to plan to meet my husband. I took this opportunity to go to the airport and confront her.

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

I talked my way through security and went to her boarding gate where I had her paged. I know! Sounds crazy. She thought it was my husband and was horrified to see me. I said hello- I thought it was time we had a little chat. She wouldn’t say anything but “Talk to your husband, it’s a two way street.” I got so frustrated that I embarrassed her in front of her fellow passengers by saying some choice words. She ran away, I left. I then warned those two that if it didn’t end I would call her place of business and tell them about her, which I eventually did. Only because he wouldn’t get out and kept promising it was over. It never was.

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

Although my husband called me evil for doing all that, I would do it again. Now, I don’t care but at the time I was so embroiled in the pain and jealousy that I had to act. This was only after being patient for months and trying to understand. But when two people have this secret life, I felt so alone and excluded. I was obsessed! Although I tried not to be.. The most difficult thing I ever went through. I eventually filed for divorce. He is no longer with her but I know he still loves her. She thinks I nearly ruined her life and will have nothing to do with him because who knows what I am capable of. So maybe it worked. I know she is a sweet person but 20 years younger than my husband, we have 5 children and I thought it was so wrong of her to get involved-it broke up my family. Of course, I know it is really him who should get the blame. Me, too, to some degree. But that is another story.

Coach’s comment:

This story strikes me as sad. Very sad. It is an awful feeling to stuff, hold inside, wait, think, ruminate until you get to the point where you sense the explosion coming.

Life seems very restricted, feeling there are only two options; be quiet, patient or explode. As she said, this is extremely difficult to manage.

Oh, to have more options. Oh, to see the grey areas and enter them, maybe with confusion, but to enter them at least, not sure of the outcome, but hoping for something new and fresh.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach If you enjoyed this post, make sure you and subscribe to the RSS Feed.

This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Monday, August 11th, 2008 at 8:51 am and is filed under confronting the other person. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

This entry has been tagged with the following keywords: infidelity confrontation, infidelity, marital infidelity, coping with infidelity, marriage infidelity, effects of infidelity, extramarital affairs, emotional infidelity, surviving infidelity, emotional affair.