The pain and hurt from infidelity or an extramarital affair of a cheating husband or wife is intense. Learn how to survive the affair pain and heal the feelings.

The aftermath of the discovery of infidelity in a marriage leads, obviously, to heightened feelings and tension. Somewhat surprising to some is the fact that sexual desire and enthusiasm is intensified. A writer asked me:

Should continue to have sex with my husband? (who is having an affair)

Here’s my short, off-the-cuff response:

Often the sexual tension (and desire) is ramped up a notch (sometimes more than that) with the discovery of the affair. Sex often becomes passionate and intense. It is OK? I don’t see any harm in it if it is enjoyable for both. However, take some time to reflect upon what it means to be engaged in the activity. What does it mean for you? What are you getting? And, if possible, talk to your spouse, “I wonder what it means that our passion is ramped up and yet there is this third party?” Sex is the “window to our soul” and reflects some of our deepest needs and concerns.

Bumping into infidelity is often like being run over by a truck, or tank or anything that is huge and overwhelming.

At least, that is what most people say who visit this site and my other main site: Break Free From the Affair.

I did a poll recently showing what feeling most experience once they encounter the infidelity in their marriage or relationship.

This is a progressive scale, i.e. as healing takes place one moves “down” the ladder, so to speak, with increasing comfort and better feelings and thoughts at each level.

Here’s the question I asked:

Upon the discovery of your spouses/partners infidelity, where did you predominately enter on the 8 paths scale?

>>Depression, Victimization, Frozen, Fear -51.7%

>>Guilt, Responsibility, Self Blame - 6.9%

>>Jealousy, Rage, Anger, Resentment - 32.8%

>>Worry, Doubt, Confusion - 5.2%

>>Overwhelm, Impatience, Frustration - 3.4%

>>Acceptance, Patience, Boredom - 0%

>>Hopeful, Optimistic, Positive Thoughts - 0%

>>Happy, Eager, Joy - 0%