Readers of my e-book “Break Free From the Affair” are asked if they have any questions after reading the e-book.
I respond briefly to some of their questions:
1. How about narcissists - in which kind of the affair would you put them?
The true narcissist often resides in affair #2: “I don’t want to say no.” There is a strong sense of entitlement, “I deserve this because I’m so special. Almost…s/he should want to adore me because of how wonderful I am.” Others exist to serve him/her.
Affair#3: “I can’t say no” may seem narcissistic because of the self-absorption, but the self orientation is around the object of addiction, not self.
2. Lying , is it part of No. 7 affair?
Lying is part of #7. It’s also part of Affairs #1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. In other words, lying, deception, holding secrets, withholding information, half-truths are endemic to infidelity. Lying makes infidelity infidelity. The utter pain and confusion comes primarily from not knowing the truth (and out of that believing, somehow, that there is something defective about you - since you were not able to read the signals or were so out of touch.) Gets rather dicey.
3. Marriage is complex relationship between two adults. My husband fits in the characteristic of 2-3 pattern that you describe. What are the solutions?
There is often overlap. Actually that may be a good sign. The more the overlap, the more confusion exists. Confusion can be good. Confusion often means one is on the edge of discovery of something new… the next step in one’s growth and evolution. There is flexibility, there is possibility for change. One is not locked into the destructive behavior. Is this confusing??? :)
Some comments from readers about “Break Free From the Affair:”
the book is fantastic, straight forward, I wish I would have it 21 months ago when I discovered the affair. I think, I made many mistakes, some perhaps irreparable, but because of the book and because I am getting your E-mails (your interest) I decided to restart everything and even so that I don’t have much hope, I will persevere. With your help, I think I will break free from the affair - one way or other. The book gave me hope. Thank you Dr. Huizenga.
I’ve a better understanding the underlying problem of my marriage and the affair pattern. This helps me to make a critical decision…do I want to stay in marriage or move forward by myself…It helps me to think more clearly…The situation was not helped much, because I am reading it now, and have not apply the skills that the book taught to handle the problem.
I understand the type of affair that my wife is having (I Fell Out of Love and Love Being In-Love)and I am currently applying the skills l learned in the book that WILL help me to Break Free! One of the most important is: “Back-Off.” Most of the questions I had on “What can I do?” or “What did I do?” were answered!Thank you! This should be on hard cover in every book store in the US. I spent the first 2 months looking for resources and asking friends for advise then, typed “I don’t Love You Any More” into Google and discovered: “How to Save Your Marriage” which led me to “Break Free”!
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Saturday, July 19th, 2008 at 9:27 am and is filed under Infidelity Testimonials. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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