I’ve been busy collating from a survey on emotional affairs (Affair #4: “I Fell out of Love…and just love being in love”)
I’m doing research on emotional affairs and hundreds of you are helping me.
I asked the questions: “What are the signs? When did you begin to suspect?
Here are some of the answers:
Some of the things I noticed were that he was trying to loose weight and started going out alot more.
my sons told me they’d been e-mailing secretly
My husband told me about it once he saw it was beginning to get out of control, although he didn’t tell me that was happening. He told me he had spoken on the phone with a girl he met on his chat room. He wanted me to know so it would never go too far (it already had, though both he and I did not know it).
Change of character - secretive especially re his computer use, calls from her, started being critical of our relationship.
When he was gone all the time, lying about where he’d been and caught over there, lying as to why he was there
first he accused me of cheating. private name and number on his cell phone and his office phone ( he owns his own business). working long days when his company had down time. said he was going to do an estimate at a house ( he was going to be doing work on) but never did it. I found receipt for a very expensive lunch the same day he was doing the estimate including drinks. my husband does not have drinks for lunch with clients. he refused to spend mothers day, my birthday, his birthday and fathers day with me and our children. he was calling me a lot during the day ( big tip off there, maybe calls once a day) and asking what i was doing, planning to do. the day I cought my husband at his office with the other woman he knew I was on my way to his office…..
She said she wasn’t sure of feelings for me and wanted to stop intimacy of all kinds.
After an overseas business trip. SMS contact in secret
The telephone bill has increased and I saw numerous calls to the same phone number lasting for hours. He stayed in his office longer talking to the girl.
out driving with my work and saw them together in a car when they were suppose to also be at at their own jobs
Bad temper, rudness, no sex, working late, no affection, Always looking for arguments to leave the hourse.He bought need cloths, lost weight, he was a total different person
Noticed at a social gathering that he seemed intriqued with her, then noticed other body language signs. She was engaged and continued two months after she married.
staying out late, sex changed, was not interested only did it for doing sake
sneaky, lying, crying, acting different, trying to start fights with me
Her signs were emotional detachment, suddenly changing her grooming habits, going places and doing things she normally didn’t, and “going shopping” for hours on end and HARDLY EVER coming home with any goods. Also, as I do some of the laundry, I would occasionally find “soiled” panties the morning after her getaways(and we hadn’t had sex the night before).
Distant, Sex was few and far in between and when it was, She wanted to introduce new things which I don’t mind but was unusual for her. She began to change her looks of 8 years( I mean drastically change) Hair cuts and styles/coloring, different styles of clothing. Spemt alot of time shopping for new clothing and who knows what else!
After the first affair with her he came home and told me about it.
calling each other at inappropriate times
Working late. On the internet excessively. Stayng up late to be on the internet. A distant look. Being preoccupied in thoughts, not responding when spoken to. Wanting to ‘go out’ with friends. Takinf cell phones with them at all times.
I noticed when he was gone and would call home, he never called from his room like he used to. He never seemed to excited to be home or talk about the trip or work for that matter.
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Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach
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This entry was posted by Dr. Bob Huizenga on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 11:03 am and is filed under Extramarital Affair Types. You may follow any responses to this entry through the RSS/XML feed. You may leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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March 27th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
He dressed better, spent more time at the office, more distant, less interested in sex, secretive, thought he was HOT!
April 25th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Says she is helping him find Christianity, on the computer a 2-3 in the morning, IM start POPing on the computer, Puts a pass word on her account, Found letter to him about my married.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:22 am
He became “protective” of his cell phone, always on vibrate, in his pocket, and would leave the room when it rang, new phone numbers came up in his cell with guy names that were clearly women’s phones, he began talking about a female co-worker alot, when I called him he would accuse me of checking up on him, when i checked the cell bill i found those “guy” numbers called alot, he picked fights with me to leave the house, he needed “space”.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:35 am
He started to dress better. Became very argumentative…critical of me and the marriage. Insulting…I could do nothing right. Very distant. Hiding his cell phone…infact kept it on the bedside table….saying just in case they called him from work. NEVER talked about work. Would call me frequently throughout the day…making sure where I was at. Very insistant that I would work full time. Would go out with “guy” friends after work. Would repeat his stories of daily life over and over.
November 11th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
She started drinking more. Became some what distant…..always calling me at work. Had to see MOM all the time. Change her looks…A lift/tuck & teeth. I was the one always handling the children….and animals. LOTS of time on the computer… witch became her Achilles heal. Changed jobs for more freedom of day time.
November 17th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
He drank, picked fights and found fault with every aspect of our lives: family, friends, children, housekeeping, bill-paying. Distant, cold, almost contemptuous. Busier at work, nights, weekends in new job. Had his cell phone on him at all times, all vacations, weekends too!