Comments on: After an Affair, Can You Trust Again? http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/ to Survive and Cope with Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:37:36 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Wendy http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-40918 Wendy Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:47:00 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-40918 I just read all your post and thank you for sharing. I have left and divorced my husband of 11 years whom I was totally in love with. He had an affair for 7 months and never missed a beat with me, he seemed to really love me. Take it from me who tried and tried after finding out to still make it work, you cant!!! You lose the ability to ever look them in the eyes and share yourself with them. I cant and will never believe for a second if someone truly loves you they can do that to you. Once you have been betrayed at that level honestly there is no going back. Yes, you hear of stories that people can survive and rebuild after the affair. Im sorry to tell you this but those people who say that are lying to themselfs and you. What happens is a big chunk of your heart dies and you never truly trust again, you always have doubt in the back of your mind. It NEVER leaves, I wish it could of but cant. You trusted your spouse with your life and they didnt care enough not to hurt you and if they can do it once they will do it again. I know many women who are with their cheating spouses 10, 15, and 20 years later and when I left mine they confided they still dont trust, one even said it was like eating a shit sandwich each and every day. Please dont fool yourself, if they value so little to do it in the first place why would you not value yourself to get out and find someone who will love you. I have and life still is hard cause I dont trust my new husband, I try but Im scared. But atleast I can look him in the eye and together we will build trust in our relationship. So If I can hardly now trust someone who has never cheated on me, how the heck are you to trust somone who has? I just read all your post and thank you for sharing.
I have left and divorced my husband of 11 years whom I was totally in love with. He had an affair for 7 months and never missed a beat with me, he seemed to really love me. Take it from me who tried and tried after finding out to still make it work, you cant!!! You lose the ability to ever look them in the eyes and share yourself with them. I cant and will never believe for a second if someone truly loves you they can do that to you. Once you have been betrayed at that level honestly there is no going back.
Yes, you hear of stories that people can survive and rebuild after the affair. Im sorry to tell you this but those people who say that are lying to themselfs and you. What happens is a big chunk of your heart dies and you never truly trust again, you always have doubt in the back of your mind. It NEVER leaves, I wish it could of but cant. You trusted your spouse with your life and they didnt care enough not to hurt you and if they can do it once they will do it again. I know many women who are with their cheating spouses 10, 15, and 20 years later and when I left mine they confided they still dont trust, one even said it was like eating a shit sandwich each and every day. Please dont fool yourself, if they value so little to do it in the first place why would you not value yourself to get out and find someone who will love you. I have and life still is hard cause I dont trust my new husband, I try but Im scared. But atleast I can look him in the eye and together we will build trust in our relationship. So If I can hardly now trust someone who has never cheated on me, how the heck are you to trust somone who has?

]]> By: faith http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-38607 faith Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:34:29 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-38607 Hi I just read your comment, and I have to say you have taken the words right out my head. Many months now I have been fighting so many feelings, emotions of what I went through...sometimes I only wish my husband can fully understand how shattered I am for all the lies and neglect I went through for many months and at the same time I had a newborn and a child 11 months. We have worked things out, but now when he goes out I cant handle it...and its cause I am forcing myself to trust him. I wish he knew how much he hurt me, and if he truly loves me and wants me to get over it,he must stop arranging coffees with her and talking to her even if it means he has to loose a group of friends. Is it his wife that's more important and helping her get over what happened or his old work mates. Doesn't he want to see me happy?, And doesn't he want to do all he can to make sure our marriage works out and we get to see our children grow up together. Oh I didn't mention that he was falling for another girl...and to me that's the same feeling as being cheated on cause he wanted another women, he told me that nothing happened...but I am trying to believe this...either way I take his word for it. He spent alot of time with her and shared all his feelings and problems with her. The phone calls the text was all too many..at times I know it still goes on...but if it is I guess eventually I will find out and maybe there wouldn't be anymore chances for us or our family to continue on as one. All I ever lived for was to make my family happy, and if I see my husband upset I don't worry about anyone I would just want to make sure he is happy and I would sacrifice anything for this..this is what a true marriage is. Its all so hard, the funny thing was he made it out that I was part of the problem saying he talks to her about me. He wants me to have my own social life and go out just like he does. you know what he doesn't understand I don't need anything I was happy with my family and didn't need anything else. I grew up a simple family life, my parents were strict, when I meet my husband he knew what a simple person I was...I never tried to change him, I excepted him for how he was, his friends and his family. yes we are 2 different people who lived 2 different social lives...but I guess I was what he needed to put his life straight and I needed him to give me what I was missing out on. Now he is saying I need to go out etc etc...and he cant be my everything. But I love him so much and it hurts just remembering when he told me this and how can I change how I feel for him when I love him so much. I never stopped him from going out but he betrayed my trust, and now I am trying find ways to learn to trust him again. I have read many places that once your heart is shattered it can take many years to find trust again, is this true. Hi I just read your comment, and I have to say you have taken the words right out my head. Many months now I have been fighting so many feelings, emotions of what I went through…sometimes I only wish my husband can fully understand how shattered I am for all the lies and neglect I went through for many months and at the same time I had a newborn and a child 11 months. We have worked things out, but now when he goes out I cant handle it…and its cause I am forcing myself to trust him. I wish he knew how much he hurt me, and if he truly loves me and wants me to get over it,he must stop arranging coffees with her and talking to her even if it means he has to loose a group of friends. Is it his wife that’s more important and helping her get over what happened or his old work mates. Doesn’t he want to see me happy?, And doesn’t he want to do all he can to make sure our marriage works out and we get to see our children grow up together.

Oh I didn’t mention that he was falling for another girl…and to me that’s the same feeling as being cheated on cause he wanted another women, he told me that nothing happened…but I am trying to believe this…either way I take his word for it. He spent alot of time with her and shared all his feelings and problems with her. The phone calls the text was all too many..at times I know it still goes on…but if it is I guess eventually I will find out and maybe there wouldn’t be anymore chances for us or our family to continue on as one.

All I ever lived for was to make my family happy, and if I see my husband upset I don’t worry about anyone I would just want to make sure he is happy and I would sacrifice anything for this..this is what a true marriage is.

Its all so hard, the funny thing was he made it out that I was part of the problem saying he talks to her about me. He wants me to have my own social life and go out just like he does. you know what he doesn’t understand I don’t need anything I was happy with my family and didn’t need anything else. I grew up a simple family life, my parents were strict, when I meet my husband he knew what a simple person I was…I never tried to change him, I excepted him for how he was, his friends and his family.

yes we are 2 different people who lived 2 different social lives…but I guess I was what he needed to put his life straight and I needed him to give me what I was missing out on. Now he is saying I need to go out etc etc…and he cant be my everything. But I love him so much and it hurts just remembering when he told me this and how can I change how I feel for him when I love him so much.

I never stopped him from going out but he betrayed my trust, and now I am trying find ways to learn to trust him again. I have read many places that once your heart is shattered it can take many years to find trust again, is this true.

]]> By: norms says http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-38329 norms says Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:20:30 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-38329 i can feel the pain in all these responses here..its not easy to regain trust (and i even think that it is impossible) after the affair. I always thought that our marriage is ideal, that we are both happy and that we are looking forward to our old years together. We can say that we are successfull in our chosen fields and our friends admired us. And then one day, i just discovered that he is having an emotional affair...and worst with an officemate and his staff. He said nothing ever happened, that it was just a plain exchanges for text and that they are just talking about anything and everything under the sun. He even told me that somehow - its because of me that he started doing it...because i don't show how much is really means to me..that he's been asking himself if i really love and care for me. You will wonder why would make him think that way...well its because i sometimes got mad at him for coming home late, or for not picking up the trash or for being late in appointment..a lot of things that we usually deal with each other. I thought that just the way it is for husband and wife. I gave it a thought, and i was like..oh yeah..i've been bad...i should have not done that..and the pain hits me and i will be awaken with tears in my eyes and question myself if that is enough reason to wanting another person's company. How could i explained the 1,640mins of talk time that i saw on his phone bill record. I called the girl and she said that it was nothing but text's and calls...but who will believed that. I even told her that her husband will not even believed it. I don't know what to do right now. I'm torn between hating and loving him..of leaving or staying for him. He begged and he always assures me of his love..but should i believe him? I don't know. I told him i want to leave, but he said he will follow me and try to win me back. We have a wonderful daughter and she's really smart...and she loves her father so much. He's good man and quiet man....what should i do. i can feel the pain in all these responses here..its not easy to regain trust (and i even think that it is impossible) after the affair. I always thought that our marriage is ideal, that we are both happy and that we are looking forward to our old years together. We can say that we are successfull in our chosen fields and our friends admired us.

And then one day, i just discovered that he is having an emotional affair…and worst with an officemate and his staff. He said nothing ever happened, that it was just a plain exchanges for text and that they are just talking about anything and everything under the sun. He even told me that somehow – its because of me that he started doing it…because i don’t show how much is really means to me..that he’s been asking himself if i really love and care for me. You will wonder why would make him think that way…well its because i sometimes got mad at him for coming home late, or for not picking up the trash or for being late in appointment..a lot of things that we usually deal with each other. I thought that just the way it is for husband and wife. I gave it a thought, and i was like..oh yeah..i’ve been bad…i should have not done that..and the pain hits me and i will be awaken with tears in my eyes and question myself if that is enough reason to wanting another person’s company. How could i explained the 1,640mins of talk time that i saw on his phone bill record. I called the girl and she said that it was nothing but text’s and calls…but who will believed that. I even told her that her husband will not even believed it.

I don’t know what to do right now. I’m torn between hating and loving him..of leaving or staying for him. He begged and he always assures me of his love..but should i believe him? I don’t know. I told him i want to leave, but he said he will follow me and try to win me back. We have a wonderful daughter and she’s really smart…and she loves her father so much. He’s good man and quiet man….what should i do.

]]> By: pat http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-33901 pat Wed, 20 May 2009 15:35:19 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-33901 Sorry to hear that, I just went through same thing but worse. cheated by husband lied to me moved out on me and my 3 children, over a girl who is 20's was married and have 3 children. he is 43. he was coming back and forth don't know what to do. we ended up getting divorce and he is still with her. she got divorced with her husband also. I believe when you lose trust once you will never gain it back. and he did it once and will do it again. like old saying once your cheater you always will be one. good luck to you. Sorry to hear that, I just went through same thing but worse. cheated by husband lied to me moved out on me and my 3 children, over a girl who is 20’s was married and have 3 children. he is 43. he was coming back and forth don’t know what to do.
we ended up getting divorce and he is still with her. she got divorced with her husband also.
I believe when you lose trust once you will never gain it back. and he did it once and will do it again. like old saying once your cheater you always will be one.
good luck to you.

]]> By: confusednewlywed http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-32491 confusednewlywed Thu, 16 Apr 2009 20:48:36 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-32491 I've only been married 3years. My husband and I were classmates from high school but we never dated back then. We got reconnected again after over a decade and started our relationship long distance. Less than 6 months, we got married. Should have been fate and destiny right? Well, all this time, my husband continues to have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I found out about the real truth behind his recent trip abroad. He lied about his travel itinerary. He traveled abroad with the ex-girlfriend by booking a suite room and a show package in a casino resort. My husband's reasoning was that he had unfinished business to settle with his ex-girlfriend. What should I do? He said he felt empty and realizes that he is dependent on me now. He loves me. I told him that he is sorry since I caught him. Otherwise, when will I know that he is confused about our marriage? Would I ever know about his confused feelings towards me? I don't know if I should believe him. He lied to me so many times. I've felt the superficial love and affection he has given me throughout the short 3years of marriage and that is the saddest part of my life. I know I deserve better but at the same time, my husband also deserves a second chance. I am torn apart on whether to follow my heart or my wise mind. I’ve only been married 3years. My husband and I were classmates from high school but we never dated back then. We got reconnected again after over a decade and started our relationship long distance. Less than 6 months, we got married.

Should have been fate and destiny right? Well, all this time, my husband continues to have a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. I found out about the real truth behind his recent trip abroad. He lied about his travel itinerary. He traveled abroad with the ex-girlfriend by booking a suite room and a show package in a casino resort. My husband’s reasoning was that he had unfinished business to settle with his ex-girlfriend.

What should I do? He said he felt empty and realizes that he is dependent on me now. He loves me. I told him that he is sorry since I caught him. Otherwise, when will I know that he is confused about our marriage? Would I ever know about his confused feelings towards me?

I don’t know if I should believe him. He lied to me so many times. I’ve felt the superficial love and affection he has given me throughout the short 3years of marriage and that is the saddest part of my life. I know I deserve better but at the same time, my husband also deserves a second chance. I am torn apart on whether to follow my heart or my wise mind.

]]> By: pastfirst http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-29019 pastfirst Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:41:50 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-29019 It takes years to build a relationship up again after an affair. As you say, it's like a mountain climber with a rope. Once the rope has been dropped even for a second, it's maybe better to find someone else to hold the rope the next time. The next rope-holder may be no better than the first, making it more impossible to even want to try climbing the mountain again. Trust has to be proven in all walks of life. A good post! It takes years to build a relationship up again after an affair.
As you say, it’s like a mountain climber with a rope. Once the rope has been dropped even for a second, it’s maybe better to find someone else to hold the rope the next time.
The next rope-holder may be no better than the first, making it more impossible to even want to try climbing the mountain again.
Trust has to be proven in all walks of life. A good post!

]]> By: been there;done that http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-28154 been there;done that Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:17:19 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-28154 I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR WHAT EACH QND EVERY ONE OF YOU IS GOING THROUGH. THOUGH THE CHEATING MAY HAVE STOPPED I CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND AND EMPATHIZE WITH THE FEELINGS ON THE INSIDE THAT MORE THAN LIKELY STILL EXIST. AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH, GOOD LOOKING, SMART, SEXUAL, OPEN...YOU COULD THINK ALL THIS UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME...REALITY IS A RELATIONSHIP IS TWO PEOPLE, NOT JUST ONE. IN A MARRIAGE, VOWS ARE EXCHANGED, IN A RELATIONSHIP PROMISES AND WHAT IS TO BE EXPECTED FROM BOTH IS LAID OUT ON THE TABLE. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE WILL HOLD OR HOW ANOTHER PERSONS WANTS OR NEEDS WILL CHANGE IN THE FUTURE. ALL WE HAVE TO GO OFF OF IS FAITH AND HOPE. PLEASE DONT BLAME YOURSELVES AND DONT FEEL LIKE YOU DESERVE IT OR YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT. IVE BEEN THE OTHER WOMAN AND IVE BEEN THE WIFE. WHEN FEELINGS GET INVOLVED AND A CLOSENESS IS DEVELOPED IT CAN BE HARD TO LET GO ON BOTH SIDES. BUT PLEASE REMEMBER ONE THING...YOU ARE HERE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM DO YOU HAVE TO SUBJECT YOURSELVES TO SUFFERING HURT AND PAIN. THE HARDEST THING TO DO SOMETIMES IS START OVER. YOU DONT PHYSICALLY START OVER FIRST. YOU HAVE TO MENTALLY REGAIN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT IT IS YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE AND YOUR KIDS. THE BEST PLACE TO START IS WITH WRITING DOWN ALL YOUR GREAT QUALITIES AND READ IT TO YOURSELF EVERYDAY...I AM GREAT...I AM WORTH MORE...I DO DESERVE TO BE LOVED ...I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE RESPECT, HONOR, LOYALTY. REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS EVERYDAY AND THEN START WRITING HOW YOUR PERFECT LIFE WOULD BE. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WRITE IN DETAIL WHAT IT IS THAT U WANT AND READ IT AND ADD TO IT AS MUCH AS YOUD LIKE. DO NOT LEAVE IT UP TO ANY ONE ELSE TO DETERMINE YOUR WORTH. I AM TELLING YOU WITH 100% OF MY HEART AND FAITH THAT YOU ARE GREAT. YOU ARE GREAT. YOU ARE GREAT. I READ A REALLY GREAT BOOK BY GARY ZUKAV CALLED "THE SEAT OF THE SOUL. PLEASE PICK IT UP. FOR MORE ADVICE OR SELF HELP PLEASE VISIT MY EMAIL AND LEAVE A MESSAGE. I WILL ASK FOR PEACE, DIRECTION, NEW HOPE AND ENDLESS OPPURTUNITY FOR U ALL. SINCERELY, TRUTH NINASHEPHERD@YAHOO.COM I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR WHAT EACH QND EVERY ONE OF YOU IS GOING THROUGH. THOUGH THE CHEATING MAY HAVE STOPPED I CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND AND EMPATHIZE WITH THE FEELINGS ON THE INSIDE THAT MORE THAN LIKELY STILL EXIST. AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH, GOOD LOOKING, SMART, SEXUAL, OPEN…YOU COULD THINK ALL THIS UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME…REALITY IS A RELATIONSHIP IS TWO PEOPLE, NOT JUST ONE. IN A MARRIAGE, VOWS ARE EXCHANGED, IN A RELATIONSHIP PROMISES AND WHAT IS TO BE EXPECTED FROM BOTH IS LAID OUT ON THE TABLE. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE WILL HOLD OR HOW ANOTHER PERSONS WANTS OR NEEDS WILL CHANGE IN THE FUTURE. ALL WE HAVE TO GO OFF OF IS FAITH AND HOPE. PLEASE DONT BLAME YOURSELVES AND DONT FEEL LIKE YOU DESERVE IT OR YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT. IVE BEEN THE OTHER WOMAN AND IVE BEEN THE WIFE. WHEN FEELINGS GET INVOLVED AND A CLOSENESS IS DEVELOPED IT CAN BE HARD TO LET GO ON BOTH SIDES. BUT PLEASE REMEMBER ONE THING…YOU ARE HERE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM DO YOU HAVE TO SUBJECT YOURSELVES TO SUFFERING HURT AND PAIN. THE HARDEST THING TO DO SOMETIMES IS START OVER. YOU DONT PHYSICALLY START OVER FIRST. YOU HAVE TO MENTALLY REGAIN WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT IT IS YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE AND YOUR KIDS. THE BEST PLACE TO START IS WITH WRITING DOWN ALL YOUR GREAT QUALITIES AND READ IT TO YOURSELF EVERYDAY…I AM GREAT…I AM WORTH MORE…I DO DESERVE TO BE LOVED
…I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE RESPECT, HONOR, LOYALTY. REMIND YOURSELF OF THIS EVERYDAY AND THEN START WRITING HOW YOUR PERFECT LIFE WOULD BE. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WRITE IN DETAIL WHAT IT IS THAT U WANT AND READ IT AND ADD TO IT AS MUCH AS YOUD LIKE. DO NOT LEAVE IT UP TO ANY ONE ELSE TO DETERMINE YOUR WORTH. I AM TELLING YOU WITH 100% OF MY HEART AND FAITH THAT YOU ARE GREAT. YOU ARE GREAT. YOU ARE GREAT. I READ A REALLY GREAT BOOK BY GARY ZUKAV CALLED “THE SEAT OF THE SOUL. PLEASE PICK IT UP. FOR MORE ADVICE OR SELF HELP PLEASE VISIT MY EMAIL AND LEAVE A MESSAGE. I WILL ASK FOR PEACE, DIRECTION, NEW HOPE AND ENDLESS OPPURTUNITY FOR U ALL.

SINCERELY,
TRUTH

NINASHEPHERD@YAHOO.COM

]]> By: kristin http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-27948 kristin Mon, 22 Dec 2008 04:22:30 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-27948 I am so sorry for everyone's pain. It makes mine feel so trivial. I have been on both sides of the fence. My first marriage ended because i was cheating. The whole progression of things was a nightmare. After he divorced me, I put myself in serious counseling and to this day continue to deal with the pain that i caused him. I remarried a year ago on the 29th. I have sworn not to make the same mistakes I made in my first marriage. However, on a hunch, I went snooping in my husbands email and found very intimate emails to three other women. The emails had been going on the entire time we've been married, and even while we were engaged. I was crushed. I thought things were going so well. He still maintains that he has never been happier. He doesn't know why he did it (he says nothing physical ever happened- it was all just fantasy.) I told him he'd better figure out why or he'd make the same mistake again. He is in counseling and we are about to start couples therapy. It still kills me. I've known for about 2 months. I don't believe in a punishing God, but I have to wonder if this isn't some sort of bad karma...What hurts most is the intimacy he had with one of the women. I almost would have rather him go out and have a one-night stand than to see him expose himself emotionally to another woman like that. She is an old friend of his from college, and is married. When I found the emails, I forwarded one to her and asked her what she was doing with my husband. I also asked her how her husband felt about it. Not surprisingly, I haven't gotten a response... I am so sorry for everyone’s pain. It makes mine feel so trivial. I have been on both sides of the fence. My first marriage ended because i was cheating. The whole progression of things was a nightmare. After he divorced me, I put myself in serious counseling and to this day continue to deal with the pain that i caused him. I remarried a year ago on the 29th. I have sworn not to make the same mistakes I made in my first marriage. However, on a hunch, I went snooping in my husbands email and found very intimate emails to three other women. The emails had been going on the entire time we’ve been married, and even while we were engaged. I was crushed. I thought things were going so well. He still maintains that he has never been happier. He doesn’t know why he did it (he says nothing physical ever happened- it was all just fantasy.) I told him he’d better figure out why or he’d make the same mistake again. He is in counseling and we are about to start couples therapy. It still kills me. I’ve known for about 2 months. I don’t believe in a punishing God, but I have to wonder if this isn’t some sort of bad karma…What hurts most is the intimacy he had with one of the women. I almost would have rather him go out and have a one-night stand than to see him expose himself emotionally to another woman like that. She is an old friend of his from college, and is married. When I found the emails, I forwarded one to her and asked her what she was doing with my husband. I also asked her how her husband felt about it. Not surprisingly, I haven’t gotten a response…

]]> By: Sydney http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-27807 Sydney Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:57:29 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-27807 My husband started an affair with a married woman. I caught him on the phone (a cell he purchased just for her) about a month after the affair began. He said he would end it. A week later I found another phone...he got angry and again said "it was already over". A few more weeks pass....and lo and behold...another phone! After this, I was just shattered, didn't know what to do. I finally got smart and picked up a digital recorder and put it in his truck...come to find out it was him wanting to continue the affair not her. Imagine my anguish. The next day he tells me that he is an open book and wants to fight for our marriage. It's been 5 months and I have extreme mood swings...I'm actually just now finally not wanting to know everywhere he has been. He did apologize but said he isn't going to feel bad about anything. Am I being crazy to stay here? I just don't think I could ever deal with something like this again. I know this is all jumbled in writing but that's how it is in my head. I did speak with the other woman and she assured me she was done...I could have told her husband but I figure why hurt anyone else. I know what I went through and I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. Does it ever go out of your mind....the wanting to know if he still thinks of her? I just want my mind back and be the strong person I was before. My husband started an affair with a married woman. I caught him on the phone (a cell he purchased just for her) about a month after the affair began. He said he would end it. A week later I found another phone…he got angry and again said “it was already over”. A few more weeks pass….and lo and behold…another phone! After this, I was just shattered, didn’t know what to do. I finally got smart and picked up a digital recorder and put it in his truck…come to find out it was him wanting to continue the affair not her. Imagine my anguish. The next day he tells me that he is an open book and wants to fight for our marriage. It’s been 5 months and I have extreme mood swings…I’m actually just now finally not wanting to know everywhere he has been. He did apologize but said he isn’t going to feel bad about anything. Am I being crazy to stay here? I just don’t think I could ever deal with something like this again. I know this is all jumbled in writing but that’s how it is in my head. I did speak with the other woman and she assured me she was done…I could have told her husband but I figure why hurt anyone else. I know what I went through and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone else. Does it ever go out of your mind….the wanting to know if he still thinks of her? I just want my mind back and be the strong person I was before.

]]> By: Rob http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/comment-page-1/#comment-27749 Rob Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:03:24 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/12/14/after-an-affair-can-you-trust-again/#comment-27749 I chose to forgive my wife after I caught her cheating. The relationship between them is over. I know she has intimate IM chats and text messages with old friends, but no evidence of a physical relationship. I don't think she understands that this hurts me more than is almost immaginable. I love her more than anything, but I don't know how to confront her without showing that I broke her trust with my snooping. We have three very young children and un-Godly bills. Should I call it quits, or how should I confront her? I really do love her, but I know that trust goes both ways to build the relationship back. I am so hurt and confused I don't know where to begin. I chose to forgive my wife after I caught her cheating. The relationship between them is over. I know she has intimate IM chats and text messages with old friends, but no evidence of a physical relationship. I don’t think she understands that this hurts me more than is almost immaginable. I love her more than anything, but I don’t know how to confront her without showing that I broke her trust with my snooping. We have three very young children and un-Godly bills. Should I call it quits, or how should I confront her? I really do love her, but I know that trust goes both ways to build the relationship back. I am so hurt and confused I don’t know where to begin.

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