Comments on: Astronaut Crashed! I’m Not Surprised http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/ to Survive and Cope with Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:12:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.5 By: Jessi http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-3991 Jessi Tue, 15 May 2007 12:53:15 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-3991 Hi all... my how time flies, I can't believe how long it has been since I have been here. Just touching base to let you all know that I have been thinking of you all. Things have been going rather well here, finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Still have a few bad days every now and then and we don't talk about it much... I guess there is no reason to live in the past just get on with building a future. Still see my therapist on a regular basis so that keeps me sane!!! The more I think of it the more I detest the OP... mainly because very early in the piece I confronted her and told her that I loved my husband and to leave us alone. I hate her because I did not deserve for her to rob my family of our security. I know he is also to blame but she allowed him to get involved when she knew I loved him. Anyway take care all hope things are working out. Hi all… my how time flies, I can’t believe how long it has been since I have been here. Just touching base to let you all know that I have been thinking of you all. Things have been going rather well here, finally can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Still have a few bad days every now and then and we don’t talk about it much… I guess there is no reason to live in the past just get on with building a future. Still see my therapist on a regular basis so that keeps me sane!!! The more I think of it the more I detest the OP… mainly because very early in the piece I confronted her and told her that I loved my husband and to leave us alone. I hate her because I did not deserve for her to rob my family of our security. I know he is also to blame but she allowed him to get involved when she knew I loved him. Anyway take care all hope things are working out.

]]> By: james http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-2886 james Fri, 27 Apr 2007 19:58:42 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-2886 hello rockandro, i am guilty of infidelity and my wife did it after. I wasn't sure it was a kind of revenge because I was a good husband to her and my kids that time after guilt struck me. when i discovered her several love affairs and her man, she confessed everything to me even the details of the details to make me trust and love her again. Since she did the act in late 2002, I have tried to heal myself by killing myself with overwork which puts my mind focused on something else even until now, anyways... what i am trying to point out is, you are at the edge of doing it too, I suppose. The way you express yourself seems you are about to bite the act. It's up to you but are you ready to face the consequences. My wife still loves me and I still love her too but she is having hard time now to completely win me back mentally, emotionally, and physically just like the way i used to before she did it. We have four kids by the way, so i guess you know where I and my wife stand. hello rockandro,

i am guilty of infidelity and my wife did it after. I wasn’t sure it was a kind of revenge because I was a good husband to her and my kids that time after guilt struck me.

when i discovered her several love affairs and her man, she confessed everything to me even the details of the details to make me trust and love her again. Since she did the act in late 2002, I have tried to heal myself by killing myself with overwork which puts my mind focused on something else even until now, anyways…

what i am trying to point out is, you are at the edge of doing it too, I suppose. The way you express yourself seems you are about to bite the act. It’s up to you but are you ready to face the consequences. My wife still loves me and I still love her too but she is having hard time now to completely win me back mentally, emotionally, and physically just like the way i used to before she did it.

We have four kids by the way, so i guess you know where I and my wife stand.

]]> By: rockandro http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-2262 rockandro Thu, 05 Apr 2007 15:43:33 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-2262 Liz.... I identify with you and the trust issues. They are so complicated to move past. My husband does try to avoid all of the arguments and inquisitions. I do too. He is apologetic. He does attempt to rebuild a trust. Maybe I sabotage that lately. My problem is...this is anniversary of the day, the month, and 180 more days and 180 more anniversaries and a whole bunch of memories I'd just as soon not remember. Unfortunately....a lobotomy is not possible and I probably shouldn't dwell on his(their) first kiss or his first day back to work with her...or my birthday (coming up) that he spent with her or the day (coming up) that he walked out on us but I foresee this doom and gloom and I really don't want to go through these memories but I also don't know how to purge them. God help me...I am so so sad again. I just can't seem to maintain an even keel about it all, Am I going to survive it or do I come to A point where I don't want it? On the one hand...I want to be married "ONE TIME FOR LIFE"(as long as he don't beat or cheat) On the other...he did cheat...I should stick to my beliefs right? I just haven't yet been able to fall 'out' of love quite yet...maybe I never will. So my convictions make me feel unconvinced, confused whereas I didn't think it possible. AAAARRRGGGG! Have I lost all sense of sensibility? What actually matters? Love or common sense? How could the two choices be in the same category except for questions like this? I feel really embarrassed to stick with the man I love. I think I deserve better but do not want to lose him. I know you all struggle with this same thing I just don't understand why we do it. My only known answer.....is low self esteem. So my next ? is...so what if I am 40? I still look pretty dang good....a few men would love to have what I can offer (just like Liz). so why do we? why should we? stay loyal to a disloyal spouse? If they cheated once after 21 years....why would they be loyal for the next 20? Why should we? Because our characters are SOOO much better than theirs? I'd like to think so, otherwise I think I am not worth it, and my vows are wasted on someone unworthy. Someone who obvoulsy didn't care about 21 years of our marriage or his 5 children. Dr Gunzberg, please do tell the 'secret ?' so that I might ask it and achieve the right answer and fix what is broken here. For me and some others....it is all that matters now. Liz….
I identify with you and the trust issues. They are so complicated to move past.
My husband does try to avoid all of the arguments and inquisitions. I do too.
He is apologetic. He does attempt to rebuild a trust. Maybe I sabotage that lately.
My problem is…this is anniversary of the day, the month, and 180 more days and 180 more
anniversaries and a whole bunch of memories I’d just as soon not remember.
Unfortunately….a lobotomy is not possible and I probably shouldn’t dwell on his(their) first kiss or his first day back to work with her…or my birthday (coming up) that he spent with her
or the day (coming up) that he walked out on us but I foresee this doom and gloom and
I really don’t want to go through these memories but I also don’t know how to purge them.
God help me…I am so so sad again.
I just can’t seem to maintain an even keel about it all,
Am I going to survive it or do I come to A point where I don’t want it?
On the one hand…I want to be married “ONE TIME FOR LIFE”(as long as he don’t beat or cheat)
On the other…he did cheat…I should stick to my beliefs right?
I just haven’t yet been able to fall ‘out’ of love quite yet…maybe I never will.
So my convictions make me feel unconvinced, confused whereas I didn’t think it possible.

AAAARRRGGGG!

Have I lost all sense of sensibility? What actually matters? Love or common sense?
How could the two choices be in the same category except for questions like this?
I feel really embarrassed to stick with the man I love.
I think I deserve better but do not want to lose him.
I know you all struggle with this same thing
I just don’t understand why we do it.

My only known answer…..is low self esteem.

So my next ? is…so what if I am 40? I still look pretty dang good….a few men would love to
have what I can offer (just like Liz). so why do we? why should we? stay loyal to a disloyal spouse?

If they cheated once after 21 years….why would they be loyal for the next 20?
Why should we? Because our characters are SOOO much better than theirs?

I’d like to think so, otherwise I think I am not worth it, and my vows are wasted on someone unworthy. Someone who obvoulsy didn’t care about 21 years of our marriage or his 5 children.

Dr Gunzberg, please do tell the ’secret ?’ so that I might ask it and achieve the right answer and fix what is broken here.

For me and some others….it is all that matters now.

]]> By: Dani http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1655 Dani Tue, 27 Mar 2007 16:22:28 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1655 My name is Dani, and I am a TV producer for a major studio. We are producing a pilot that will not air on TV, but we are looking for people who want to speak openly about infidelity & relationships. We are located in Chicago and pay for all travel expenses. We are also looking for single fathers, as well as mothers who are having a difficult time with teenage daughters. We would like to speak to couples where one person is suspecting the other or has caught the other cheating. If any of theses topics fit your life, please call me asap at 1-877-721-9811. Thank you. My name is Dani, and I am a TV producer for a major studio. We are producing a pilot that will not air on TV, but we are looking for people who want to speak openly about infidelity & relationships. We are located in Chicago and pay for all travel expenses. We are also looking for single fathers, as well as mothers who are having a difficult time with teenage daughters. We would like to speak to couples where one person is suspecting the other or has caught the other cheating. If any of theses topics fit your life, please call me asap at 1-877-721-9811. Thank you.

]]> By: MS http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1199 MS Fri, 09 Mar 2007 13:17:43 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1199 Hey guys, I posted on the #4 quickie blog. Guess I should have done it here, sorry. Mari Hey guys, I posted on the #4 quickie blog. Guess I should have done it here, sorry. Mari

]]> By: Dr. Bob Huizenga http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1198 Dr. Bob Huizenga Fri, 09 Mar 2007 12:35:39 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1198 To blogging group: Each blog entry I must approve (for spam purposes.) This is to let you know that I will not have internet access this weekend and therefore any blogs you post will not be approved or appear until Monday. The best to all... Bob To blogging group: Each blog entry I must approve (for spam purposes.) This is to let you know that I will not have internet access this weekend and therefore any blogs you post will not be approved or appear until Monday. The best to all… Bob

]]> By: Shennie http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1171 Shennie Mon, 05 Mar 2007 01:46:32 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1171 Hey Liz What I would tell you is to just be nice in return and develop a friendship but dont cross the line. There is nothing wrong with having friends and I think you are big enough to have one and wouldnt cross that line since this has happend to yourself. But you may need this friend one day if only for a friend so never close doors you dont have to. You know in some ways i really hate that people pay attention to others for their looks, when this first happen to me i also lost weight too much and i had people tell me oh you look great blah blah and frankly i thought I looked fine before and i actually resented people being nice to me just because i lost weight as i dont think people should base how they feel about other based on their looks because that is not what gets us through life. You learn to lose your vanity with age. Maybe he is paying attention to you not because of that but maybe he sees a different person than he saw before just a thought ,I am glad your h is putting an effort in for your sake just give it time is all you can do. If he is controlling as you stated to me before that will likely not change, I lived with one for many years and i can honestly say i would never accept someone like that again, that is one thing i can be thankful for. especially if he doesnt like conversation and confrontation chances of resolving that part are not great. Keep on trucking Hey Liz
What I would tell you is to just be nice in return and develop a friendship but dont cross the line. There is nothing wrong with having friends and I think you are big enough to have one and wouldnt cross that line since this has happend to yourself. But you may need this friend one day if only for a friend so never close doors you dont have to. You know in some ways i really hate that people pay attention to others for their looks, when this first happen to me i also lost weight too much and i had people tell me oh you look great blah blah and frankly i thought I looked fine before and i actually resented people being nice to me just because i lost weight as i dont think people should base how they feel about other based on their looks because that is not what gets us through life. You learn to lose your vanity with age. Maybe he is paying attention to you not because of that but maybe he sees a different person than he saw before just a thought ,I am glad your h is putting an effort in for your sake just give it time is all you can do. If he is controlling as you stated to me before that will likely not change, I lived with one for many years and i can honestly say i would never accept someone like that again, that is one thing i can be thankful for. especially if he doesnt like conversation and confrontation chances of resolving that part are not great. Keep on trucking

]]> By: Nicki http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1167 Nicki Sun, 04 Mar 2007 13:05:16 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1167 Liz--Sounds like a much deserved boost if self confidence to me! Hey, you still got it, babe! :-) I would take this as a gift to you from the gods and own it. There's a good bit of power in knowing that YOU have options too!(even if you don't exercise those options) Know what I mean? Liz–Sounds like a much deserved boost if self confidence to me! Hey, you still got it, babe! :-) I would take this as a gift to you from the gods and own it. There’s a good bit of power in knowing that YOU have options too!(even if you don’t exercise those options) Know what I mean?

]]> By: Liz http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1165 Liz Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:25:12 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1165 Shennie - Thanks! That's honestly what I am trying to do. This is day 4 of no arguing. We are trying to make 9 entire days until our trip together. He has been giving me a play by play of where he is going everyday and then telling me to call him if I need anything, etc. So, I think he's trying and I think he can tell I am at my witts end. I think he's afraid. Last night he kept asking me if I was "OK" and he told me that I was very quiet. That sorta killed me becuase when I talk, he tells me I talk to much. Then, when I give him his wish, he immediately thinks something is wrong and it bothers him. Today he is spending the day with our son, which is good. They need to have a lot of quality time together. My son is young but very smart and I know he has absorbed a lot of what went on. I just feel so indifferent now towards my H and I don't know if I can ever get that back they way I felt before his affair. I just can't believe he did this to me and the kids. Sometimes, I wake up and I honestly think for a minute that I dreamed it all. Then reality sets in and I get very depressed! There is also something that is bothering me....this guy at work, has been making an effort to talk to me on a regular basis now. Let me tell you, this has NOT happened to me in the last 10 years!! Not one single time has anyone showed any interest in me. Ever since i have lost weight, I notice guys talking to me more and more. This is the horrible part, I would NEVER act on it. I am MARRIED and as you all know 100% against cheating after all I've been through especially! My thoughts on this have not changed. What I am trying to get at is I keep thinking to myself, "what if this guy is NICE? what if this guy wasn't a cheater?? what if I am missing an opportunity to be with someone who acutally didn't verbally abuse me, cheat on me, and respected me???? Is this normal that I am having these feelings? Not for this guy, but just other guys in GENERAL? I feel like my H blew our marriage apart, and now I am staying with him for the kids....and I will never find anyone who treats me nice. Maybe I am just going through a stage...I don't know. Any thoughts?? Shennie -
Thanks! That’s honestly what I am trying to do. This is day 4 of no arguing. We are trying to make 9 entire days until our trip together. He has been giving me a play by play of where he is going everyday and then telling me to call him if I need anything, etc. So, I think he’s trying and I think he can tell I am at my witts end. I think he’s afraid. Last night he kept asking me if I was “OK” and he told me that I was very quiet. That sorta killed me becuase when I talk, he tells me I talk to much. Then, when I give him his wish, he immediately thinks something is wrong and it bothers him. Today he is spending the day with our son, which is good. They need to have a lot of quality time together. My son is young but very smart and I know he has absorbed a lot of what went on. I just feel so indifferent now towards my H and I don’t know if I can ever get that back they way I felt before his affair. I just can’t believe he did this to me and the kids. Sometimes, I wake up and I honestly think for a minute that I dreamed it all. Then reality sets in and I get very depressed!

There is also something that is bothering me….this guy at work, has been making an effort to talk to me on a regular basis now. Let me tell you, this has NOT happened to me in the last 10 years!! Not one single time has anyone showed any interest in me. Ever since i have lost weight, I notice guys talking to me more and more. This is the horrible part, I would NEVER act on it. I am MARRIED and as you all know 100% against cheating after all I’ve been through especially! My thoughts on this have not changed. What I am trying to get at is I keep thinking to myself, “what if this guy is NICE? what if this guy wasn’t a cheater?? what if I am missing an opportunity to be with someone who acutally didn’t verbally abuse me, cheat on me, and respected me???? Is this normal that I am having these feelings? Not for this guy, but just other guys in GENERAL? I feel like my H blew our marriage apart, and now I am staying with him for the kids….and I will never find anyone who treats me nice.

Maybe I am just going through a stage…I don’t know. Any thoughts??

]]> By: Shennie http://www.infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1162 Shennie Sat, 03 Mar 2007 12:09:18 +0000 http://infidelity-help.com/blog/2007/02/08/astronaut-crashed-im-not-surprised/#comment-1162 sue Good for you ,glad to see you are taking a stand. In some ways he has alot of nerve crying when every day he goes home to her he for some reason cannot see he is doing that to you daily. You seem stronger now and i am glad for you its not nasty it is better that way for the kids. and for you. Very proud friend Liz It is sad for kids but if you did divorce and you kept a decent rel for the kids it will help your son is young and if your h steps forward and remains a big part of his life then hell be ok. Maybe he should say those things toyour h too so your h sees things from your childs perspective. Obviously your son sees enough to know something is wrong. I know your hurt and angry and since your h is home it would be good to see a concentrated eeffort to save the marraige but until your h is willing to be a communicator you will be left feeling let down and back to where you are. i want to stay just give it your all , everything one last chance even though I know you prob have but at least if you make it big and you decide tonot stay in the rel you can leave saying you didd everything you could. sue

Good for you ,glad to see you are taking a stand. In some ways he has alot of nerve crying when every day he goes home to her he for some reason cannot see he is doing that to you daily. You seem stronger now and i am glad for you its not nasty it is better that way for the kids. and for you. Very proud friend
Liz
It is sad for kids but if you did divorce and you kept a decent rel for the kids it will help your son is young and if your h steps forward and remains a big part of his life then hell be ok.
Maybe he should say those things toyour h too so your h sees things from your childs perspective. Obviously your son sees enough to know something is wrong. I know your hurt and angry and since your h is home it would be good to see a concentrated eeffort to save the marraige but until your h is willing to be a communicator you will be left feeling let down and back to where you are. i want to stay just give it your all , everything one last chance even though I know you prob have but at least if you make it big and you decide tonot stay in the rel you can leave saying you didd everything you could.

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