Comments on: Romance is Overrated - Get Over It and Move Beyond It!

By: ghjdgfj

ghjdgfj — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 04:36:29 +0000

Why do people talk about marriage here? Falling in love and having romance has little to do with your legal status.
And while we’re at it, I know its hard thing to check, but in most cases marriage happens when people “fall in love”, then the “miracle” happens and baby or two spawns. Then they have an agreement to stay together, hide the knives and baseball bats, until the children grow up…
I know this is a rough generalization, so take it as such (don’t respond with your individual examples saying you are not in this group).
As for “falling in love” and having “romantic X months”, this article is right on the spot. In short, its a drug, just like eating cheese every hour or drinking coca cola…

By: Pam Olson

Pam Olson — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 01:15:16 +0000

Thank you so much for putting this logically and uncomplicated! I have been feeling lost in my marriage and in my place in our family and you’ve basically answered my question of what I’m looking for. Divorce or someone else isn’t a factor but the emptiness that has been sitting within me has been bothering me like a monkey on my back but now I know what I need to do. To find that purpose for myself and I have been wanting to looking into volunteer work for quite some time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

By: Juliet

Juliet — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 20:14:50 +0000

All of the things that you say about living your life with your spouse in growing love presuppose that your spouse is willing and able to do this.
What if you are married to a self-centered, cruel person whose neglect has slowly driven you away for so long that you no longer want any part of them?
I am not advocating infidelity. I am saying that sometimes people actually meet someone else who really does care for them in a way that the person they married never did. That doesn’t mean you run out and have an affair with the person. It might mean that you ask for a divorce though, so you can attempt to have an honest, healthy relationship with another responsible adult. When your friends treat you better than your spouse, it’s a wake-up call sometimes.

By: JMC

JMC — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:40:35 +0000

The nature of love is quite elusive. It is at the same time a feeling and a rational decision. One may love a food, a person, his job etc. But the kind of love necessary for a long lasting marriage requires discipline and effort. It understands the volatile nature of our feelings and requires doing things, even when you do not feel exactly happy doing them. It requires compromise.
It is easy to feel out of love after sometime dealing with the tough reality of a marriage. Raising children, paying bills, dealing with your spouse’s bad temper, bad manners or different points of view is always stressing. Let alone, routine tends to destroy intimacy.
I understand that being in love with someone is an intense feeling: I myself have experienced “love?? at first sight once. But it doesn’t last forever. If you avoid contact with the other person, it passes quite quickly. But even if you dive into this feeling, it will last an average time of two years. A short time for a relationship with someone, but a time long enough to destroy .your marriage and provoke deep emotional scars in all involved (the couple, their children, their relatives and friends).
Unfortunately, our culture overemphasizes “being in love??. This romantic obsession is well described in western literature. The stories of Romeo and Juliet, Paris and Helen, Tristan and Isolde have become part of our collective soul. So, feeling “in love?? with someone gives us this sensation of living the lives of our unconscious heroes. Conveniently, we forget that those stories are tragedies: they involve suffering and death. Is this the end of love?
I don’t think so. Love can be nurtured and tendered in your marriage. It is possible to live your life with your spouse in growing love. In the end, there is a deep intimacy that makes the couple feel as one. It is a calmer but deeper feeling.