Comments on: Extramarital Affair: Their Sex Isn’t Always “Hot”

By: JimmyZ

JimmyZ — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 21:59:44 +0000

Three and a half years ago, i found out my wife of 4 yrs. had been cheating on me. The way I found out doesn’t matter. We have allways had a very open relationship and I thought we could talk about everything. She was {is} sleeping with her boss at work and also with her oldest sons best friend. Every day that I stay I feel myself dying….that part of me that was trusting and kind, forgiving and passionate is almost gone. I’m sitting here at my computer typing this and crying because a BIG part of who I am has died and I don’t know if he will ever return. I’ve just had surgury and am leaving her as soon as I heal.I deep telling myself that I am a good man…I love hard and work hard, have all of wy life {i’m 49}. I feel as if i’m broken and empty. She says she loves me, but is this what you do to somone you love! I would have died for this woman…a part of me already has. Thanks for letting me talk.

By: Asj

Asj — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 12:28:27 +0000

I died internally. We are christians biblically based. The reality God will not keep from the desires of your flesh. In his word I found courage I really can’t say I am fully restored either.
The inner turmoil is beyond belief. The day I walk out I died unto myself. To thy own self be true. He has bought very expensive gifts and none of it matters. I told him what I wonted most I couldn’t have. furthermore, I am not for sale. The cutting edge was the dagger he ran through my heart . He called family.I was unaware he was on the phone. I pick up the phone. Just to have a final reminder how he hated me I ruined his life, and the biggest mistake he ever made. married me.I broke in half that day. When I look up to see the LORD reaching down and he pulled me up and held me in his arms.

By: J J

J J — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 13:51:46 +0000

I have been broken beyond understanding. His x wife dump their children after not seeing are talking with them. She basically messed with their hearts. They had no morals, values are respect. 9 and 11 yrs old. they called bitch whore plus some I was emotionally tramatized, along with being physically attack his son beat me so bad I was taken to the hospital by the medics. Oh it didn’t stop we went swimming and his son was trying tp pick up by my croch. His daughter would walk by and touch my ass. While he was traveling the country side according to him it was madority. In the 5 yrs they lived with us I would estmate he spent 1 at the most a year and a few months with them. His daughter tryed to choke me. I was emotionally and mentally broken and phyically breaking down. However, he was was going to Texas and I ask could I come along with him his response was his boss would not understand. I was mentally ready to brake. Well he went with out me. I cryed and sob and begging God for mercy.. He returned and I walk out and stated I was going to have fun. I couldn’t even function. I walk out the day of my 50th birthday. He needed to find some one to attend the children while he travel.. It was amazing he didn’t have to tavel anymore. He told me nothng happened !!! A part of me died that day and I have been cold sense then.

By: Angie

Angie — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 20:34:37 +0000

I was also the victim of an affair – my husband and a girl he worked with who was a friend or mine. He lost his position at work and we were transferred to another state before I found out it had been going on for a year – he continued to go back for almost another full year – and she to meet him on out of town trips. He tells me he loves me and it is over – it was a mistake – midlife crisis – he doesn’t know exactly. She got in touch with me after a year – says she is dying and wants to tell the truth so she can “get into heaven” Says he told her he had never been in love before her. Didn’t know what love was until she came into his life. She and he went and got viagra together (it had never been a problem for us) She said “oh, not a problem – he just wanted to keep it there as long as he could” She was in my home, his office, all over the country on business trips. She said he told her he would make it work. HE says he was never going to leave me and she knew it. We have 4 children – they can’t stand him now. I have tried to leave over and over – and tried to forget. He always finds a way to get us back. Now – after 2 years of back and forth I can’t stand it – everything that he did – that he continues to lie “to save me the hurt or what he did” about so much of it. I am tied to him because of the kids – it would be better if I never had to see or talk to him again. I wish I could just die sometimes – the pain has been non-stop for years.

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 23:57:37 +0000

This is a great site. I also have been a victim of an affair.
My husband cheated on me with his co-worker. I knew that there was something wrong, I asked him many times to tell me what the problem was and he kept saying nothing. I came home from a business trip and told him to do whatever he needed to do to be happy. He moved out within a week and moved in with his lover.
2 months later, he moved out. He rented his own apartment and stayed there for 6 years. We have tried in the past to be friends but he keeps on trying to cover up by lieing. Why do people decide notto tell the truth? I actually thought there was a chance for us to get back together. Now I know it is not going to happen.I always seem to attract men who lie.

All I can say is I have hope and faith that there is a man out there that canbe faithful and tell the truth.

By: Doug

Doug — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:58:00 +0000

After reading all of these comments and stories I feel I could sit here forever and write a book about my own marriage and the most Significant Emotional Event of my life. My wife had an affair a year and a half ago. Yes, it broke my heart! We have been married for 21 years. We are still married and I do love my wife and believe that she loves me as well. As the good Dr. says “there is the good, the bad and the ugly” that is love….that is marriage. We are all imperfect human beings and our relationships are complex. We are individuals and we are complex. Commitment and not giving up will allow you to personally be proud of yourself. So…do something for yourself…don’t you give up on yourself. Be proud of your behavior and your commitment.
Why did this happen to me? Well, one of us was confused. Does it really matter which one or who was to blame? It doesn’t, and once it is done….it is done. It can’t be taken back and don’t get me wrong. Adultery is devastating to any couple. What are YOU going to do now? Give up? Not me. As I said “I love my wife”. I recognize that like all relationships ours is complex, we get confused, we make mistakes. After all…if she does not love me she is always free to go. And may God bless her.
I’m very very fortunate. I am not perfect but I have been faithful. I feel good about myself for that. There have been times when I know I have hurt my wife by things I have said or stupid things I have done. I am very sorry for that.
I have the greatest empathy for the marriages that end in divorce after xx years and either one or both then cannot or will no let it go and start over. A fresh start…wiser….more careful….a chance not to make the same mistakes you made with the last one over and over again.
Someone loves you and needs you. They will be imperfect. Go find them and this time….hold on.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 16:43:40 +0000

I have found out so much that it is discusting what is going on but there are ways to find out if you really want to know short of hiring a private eye. You can buy tiny digital recorders and place them in thier car/truck you can find soft ware that will tell you about sites they have been on and every key stroke if he is on line with her, GPS systems you can install in the car that record every place they have been and for how long within feet of where they are, it just depends what you want to do. These things are so small they can be hinden well. I have looked at it all and came to the conclusion he is not worth the expense!! You are right they will lie, cheat and lie some more and he will never be honest with you because he cannot be honest with himself or her and it becomes a no win all the way around, like the lady said, once a cheater always a cheater and one person cannot heal the other no matter how hard you try. I hear it also I Love You on a daily basis but they are beyond that sort of understanding of real love they are selfish, degrading, demeaning, heartless, cruel, uncaring, decietful, controlling, deceptive, defiant, remorseless, self serving, all about them & thier desires at the moment. Like all people men/women we all want to know but it is fruitless if they don’t have any moral standards built in already and that is something all together different for us all. I love a man dearly and he tells me loves me also but I do not believe him any longer he is in to deep. If you let your mind wonder about all the lies he has told her, promises he has made, who knows what they say to justify what they are doing, but they do it well without remorse. I got the first I’m Sorry last saturday after 18 months of this, “I’m Sorry, I did not know that this would effect you like it has”, I thought you sorry pathetic person after all these years what did you expect, I told him that also, I also said I pity you, you have to many problems that you cannot cope with and this is not my fault you did this to us both and to her, shame on you. It does not matter what you say, do, nothing because they get to a point in thier own mind that they are right and you cannot change that attitude and they may listen to you to humor you but they really don’t hear what you are saying because they stopped caring about the only person that cared for them so much at one point. I said what I had to say like it or not and it was painful for me but I’m sure not for him. It is very hard to be tossed aside like you meant nothing to them and still love that person, hard to figure out all the way around. It is so hard and the heart break is so great for many of us and I am having just as hard of a time as all the rest on this site or I would not be here and I try everyday to have a better day. It rolls as water does off a ducks back for them. They know what they are doing but cannot come to terms within themselves so everything is your fault, things will never be the same the love, trust, faith, happiness you had like myself is not there where it went can never come back as it will never matter what he says I will never trust him again as I will always think in the back of my mind, where are you and what are you doing now. This is going to fail totally here because that is what he wants no matter what he says to me I cannot forget all the pain. He took from me so much as I was always a strong person with lots of pride and love unending for this man and he chipped at it everyday a little more all the time till I felt like a boned chicken. The only person they want to be committed to is themselves, no responsibilities & no committments and we pay for it all emotionally everyday they see none of the pain and if they do they ignor it. I am still so angry and hurt and have known only since this last June and it had been going on for years and I never saw it like others and the reason I never saw it is because of trust, faith and love I believed in my partner/friend/lover/companion/ and I think how foolish was I.

By: Del

Del — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 22:23:33 +0000

Well, I feel so much better. Not to say that I do not feel your pain because I do but I take comfort in knowing that there are similar situations all over…I have been in a committed relationhip for over thirteen years and was married for the last four years. I trusted my husband to reside away from me to attend work only to find out he started seeing someone else. He claimed he did not have any feelings for her but took on her five kids and left me and our two chldren. He continues to call and won’t consider divorce yet its almost been a year since we separated over this. He claims it’s just “companionship” but who gives up his family for that…after I saw her, she is nothing compared to me. I don’t feel bad anymore. It’s a joke because my lil’ family continues to be happy while they struggle to hang on to any type of happiness. I have the last laugh..because I became a stronger, wiser and independant person…Good luck to all of you.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 15:52:33 +0000

I also have been married 29 years. Last year I started noticing changes in the way my husband treated me.Distant,didnt seem to notice me,didnt talk much, withdrawing sexually etc. I had trusted him totally.He was an absolutely wonderful husband. He finally admitted, after swearing he never could do such a thing FOR A YEAR!!,that he had a one nite stand 15 years ago.He says thats it.I dont beleive it.He will not admit to anything else.If it is over should I go on or should I confront the women I think it is or was. They will lie I know because their married. How do I find out ??Im so devastated. We have many children and we are such a close family.I dont know what to do.He is constantly telling me he loves me but it might be a lie.I dont know how to make him admit it.I think if it is in the open maybe we can heal but if it isnt I dont know. Any advice???

By: Nancy2

Nancy2 — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 12:30:50 +0000

I am signing divorce papers today and I would like to thank all the people who have shared their insights on these pages and I especially would like to thank Bob.

After loving my husband unconditionally and completely for 12 years, I learned that my thoughtful, charming, attentive, caring, soul-mate husband was none of those things. Our ideal relationship had never been what I thought existed, even from the beginning. A major and highly skilled, 12 year deception. Who will ever know why? Yes, he has probably installed a keystroke reader on our computer. If so, I hope he will see the comments on this page, and recognize his behavior. And I can only hope that I will be able to put this pain, destruction, and confusion behind me.