Jealousy in Marriage: Healing After An Affair

November 2, 2012 by 7 Comments

How do you let go of jealousy in marriage after an affair? Is it even possible to let your suspicions when  infidelity is involved?

Jealousy in marriage is very common when you decide to stay in a marriage to restore it when you discover that your partner is having an affair. And even for couples who had no problems regarding jealousy before the affair, it is very likely that it will be after an affair is discovered.

A lot of damage can be done in a relationship where jealousy is involved, especially one that’s still going through the process of healing after an affair. But it is difficult not to be paranoid regarding the people that your partner spends a lot of time with. So what can you do to if you are experiencing jealousy in marriage?

The first things you need to do is to reflect on the various things that you have gone through by allowing jealousy in marriage get the better of you. Surely there are a lot of painful and negative effects, mostly on your marriage, but thinking of these effects is the most effective first step to stop letting jealousy in marriage prevent you from healing your relationship after an affair.

Also, you might start thinking that you’ve earned the right to be jealous when your husband or wife started being involved in an affair, but you must let go of that pain and really look at what jealousy in marriage is doing to you and your partner’s bond.

Every time you start to feel jealous of someone in your partner’s life, try to see how it affects your emotional as well as your physical body. You will see that jealousy in marriage only makes that pain you are feeling after an affair hurt that much more, and make you that much angrier about what your partner did.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , ,

I Want to be Close to Someone: A Confusing Type of Affair

October 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

“I want to be close to someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” is the seventh type of affair discussed in the ebook Break Free from the Affair.

In this type of affair, there is generally a lot of confusion. A lot of people who are going through this type of affair say, “I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused. One minute he says he doesn’t want me, and then the next minute he wants to work things out. What do I do?”

All the confusion from this type of affair comes from two things: the pain from discovering the affair, and the confusion he has about what he really wants.

Upon discovering your partner’s affair, you usually react by thinking that you want nothing to do with him, that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and that you want out. But when your partner shows signs that he regrets what he did and he wants to try to work things out with you, you change your mind and think, “Maybe we can make this work.”

This is the hallmark of this type of affair. Because your partner is confused about what he wants, and about who he wants, it usually becomes a dragging kind of situation where both him and the other person are stuck because you don’t know what to do. A part of you pulls you in one direction – to leave him and start over – and another part of you pulls you in another – to stay and try again. And all the confusion comes from not knowing which part of you to follow.

Getting out of being stuck will take a lot of reflection and self-evaluation. You will have to decide on your own, without any regard to what your partner wants, what you want to do and where you want to go. It is the only way you will stop the confusion of this type of affair.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , ,

Mid-Life Crisis in Marriages: Stop Infidelity Before It Happens

October 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

When you feel threatened by the prospect of your partner having an extramarital affair while he or she is going through a mid-life crisis, what can you do to shift his or her view of life to be able to stop infidelity before it even happens?

A lot of people have trouble going back to believing that their lives are great when they are going through a mid-life crisis. And for most people, the thing in their lives they question the most is their marriages. They tend to see their lives as a routine of getting up, going to work, going home and sleeping. And they get tired of it.

So how do you keep yourself from getting bored of your own life and avoiding making decisions that can potentially destroy everything in it like your relationships with other people, your job and everything else? And most especially, how do you stop infidelity from even going through your mind?

The number one thing that you need to do to stop infidelity from happening in your marriage is to look for something that will make you feel alive again. Find something that you’re interested in and do it. Something that will get you excited, something that will make you feel happy, something will make you appreciate everything you have.

Is there a particular hobby or activity that you’re interested in pursuing? Have you been curious about something that you wanted to learn about and try? Maybe you’re interested in learning how to cook or bake, or maybe you’re interested in taking up photography. Are you good at fixing up cars? Maybe you could try restoring one. Go out fishing with your friends, or play golf. Take up ballroom dancing or boxing or surfing. Just look for something that will make you feel good about yourself and appreciate the things that you have.

When you’ve discovered what it is that makes you feel happy and alive again, it serves more than just a distraction that will allow you to stop infidelity. It gives you something to look forward to,  something to appreciate, something make you happy.

So share it with your partner and your family. Do not be ashamed to tell them about it and how it makes you feel. If your partner wants to, you could even try doing it together as something that is just for the two of you. And if he or she does not want to, then that’s okay, too. But do not let the fear of your partner not finding it interesting prevent you from telling him or her about it.

This happens a lot with couples who are going through problems in their marriage. When one person finds something interesting that makes him or her feel better about the relationship, he or she tends to hide from the other one and it causes doubt and mistrust. So rather than having your partner suspect you of having an affair or something as bad as that, just tell him or her about the changes you are going through. This creates a more open relationship and stronger intimacy between the two of you, which also helps to stop infidelity from ever occurring in your marriage.

And though this is not the ultimate solution to stop infidelity and cure every marital problem, it does help the two of  you maintain a strong, loving bond based on honesty and trust.

Filed Under: Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , ,
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