Archives for October 2012

I Want to be Close to Someone: A Confusing Type of Affair

October 30, 2012 by 1 Comment

“I want to be close to someone (which means I can’t stand intimacy)” is the seventh type of affair discussed in the ebook Break Free from the Affair.

In this type of affair, there is generally a lot of confusion. A lot of people who are going through this type of affair say, “I don’t know what to do. I’m really confused. One minute he says he doesn’t want me, and then the next minute he wants to work things out. What do I do?”

All the confusion from this type of affair comes from two things: the pain from discovering the affair, and the confusion he has about what he really wants.

Upon discovering your partner’s affair, you usually react by thinking that you want nothing to do with him, that you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and that you want out. But when your partner shows signs that he regrets what he did and he wants to try to work things out with you, you change your mind and think, “Maybe we can make this work.”

This is the hallmark of this type of affair. Because your partner is confused about what he wants, and about who he wants, it usually becomes a dragging kind of situation where both him and the other person are stuck because you don’t know what to do. A part of you pulls you in one direction – to leave him and start over – and another part of you pulls you in another – to stay and try again. And all the confusion comes from not knowing which part of you to follow.

Getting out of being stuck will take a lot of reflection and self-evaluation. You will have to decide on your own, without any regard to what your partner wants, what you want to do and where you want to go. It is the only way you will stop the confusion of this type of affair.

Filed Under: Extramarital Affair Types, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , ,

Mid-Life Crisis in Marriages: Stop Infidelity Before It Happens

October 25, 2012 by Leave a Comment

When you feel threatened by the prospect of your partner having an extramarital affair while he or she is going through a mid-life crisis, what can you do to shift his or her view of life to be able to stop infidelity before it even happens?

A lot of people have trouble going back to believing that their lives are great when they are going through a mid-life crisis. And for most people, the thing in their lives they question the most is their marriages. They tend to see their lives as a routine of getting up, going to work, going home and sleeping. And they get tired of it.

So how do you keep yourself from getting bored of your own life and avoiding making decisions that can potentially destroy everything in it like your relationships with other people, your job and everything else? And most especially, how do you stop infidelity from even going through your mind?

The number one thing that you need to do to stop infidelity from happening in your marriage is to look for something that will make you feel alive again. Find something that you’re interested in and do it. Something that will get you excited, something that will make you feel happy, something will make you appreciate everything you have.

Is there a particular hobby or activity that you’re interested in pursuing? Have you been curious about something that you wanted to learn about and try? Maybe you’re interested in learning how to cook or bake, or maybe you’re interested in taking up photography. Are you good at fixing up cars? Maybe you could try restoring one. Go out fishing with your friends, or play golf. Take up ballroom dancing or boxing or surfing. Just look for something that will make you feel good about yourself and appreciate the things that you have.

When you’ve discovered what it is that makes you feel happy and alive again, it serves more than just a distraction that will allow you to stop infidelity. It gives you something to look forward to,  something to appreciate, something make you happy.

So share it with your partner and your family. Do not be ashamed to tell them about it and how it makes you feel. If your partner wants to, you could even try doing it together as something that is just for the two of you. And if he or she does not want to, then that’s okay, too. But do not let the fear of your partner not finding it interesting prevent you from telling him or her about it.

This happens a lot with couples who are going through problems in their marriage. When one person finds something interesting that makes him or her feel better about the relationship, he or she tends to hide from the other one and it causes doubt and mistrust. So rather than having your partner suspect you of having an affair or something as bad as that, just tell him or her about the changes you are going through. This creates a more open relationship and stronger intimacy between the two of you, which also helps to stop infidelity from ever occurring in your marriage.

And though this is not the ultimate solution to stop infidelity and cure every marital problem, it does help the two of  you maintain a strong, loving bond based on honesty and trust.

Filed Under: Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , ,

Extramarital Affair and Mid-life Crisis: How It Happens

October 23, 2012 by 6 Comments

When a person experiences a mid-life crisis, does it always mean the potential for an extramarital affair? And will it always lead to that?

We all know what a mid-life crisis is. Some of us have even experienced it first-hand. For a lot of us, a mid-life crisis affects how we perceive our lives and the way we make decisions. And when it comes to our relationships, we tend to question whether or not we are with the person we’re supposed to be with, which usually leads to us making bad decisions.

For every relationship, there is always a chance that an extramarital affair will happen. No matter how strong a relationship you think you have. And when your partner is going through a mid-life crisis and is questioning every decision he or she has ever made, including your relationship, the chance of infidelity increases.

So how do you prevent your partner from having an extramarital affair even before it takes place?

It will be difficult for you to control what your partner thinks and does regarding his or her life, but what you can control is how you act in your relationship. It is important that you make your partner feel safe and secure about his or her decisions, especially regarding your relationship. Picking fights, generating arguments or getting mad for little things will not help you in this regard, and will make it more likely for your partner to consider an extramarital affair. You need to show your partner that he or she is welcome in the home you built and that you are there to support him or her through whatever is going on in his or her life.

Creating a safe and loving relationship is key. Strengthen your bond and rekindle the passion you had when you first got together. If you are rebuilding your relationship because of a big fight or falling out, remember the things that you love most about each other and remind yourselves of the good times you had. Think of the things you’ve learned, given and done for each other that you would not have experienced with other people, and keep your marriage from being touched by an extramarital affair.

Filed Under: Infidelity Fears, Marriage Makeover, Relationship Tips, Stopping the Affair Tagged With: , , ,
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